This

We have been listening to Country music more and more around here.  It even took me by surprise and I really, really like it.  The fresh country music is pretty and real.  One song really took me by surprise mostly because I was a Hootie fan but also because it struck a chord with me.  "This" by Darius Rucker is right on the money.  Turn it up and grab a baby to hold.  It takes me back to the many endless nights with no sleep spent with both Riley and Alyssa.  It reminds me to hold on tight and remember that one day I will wish for it all back again.  It brings me hope that even though today was hard one day we will only remember the smiles and fun.  It makes all the trips that inevitably wipe us out so worth it cause it's all going to be memories.

I have never lost a child but I know how it feels to want a child so bad that my arms ached to hold one.  I know and understand the utter despair you feel after yet another negative pregnancy test.  I remember all to well the weeks turning into months turning into hopelessness and finally out of nowhere and after tests and dr visits how suddenly I/we had everything we wanted.  My heart just aches at every story I hear about someone struggling to get pregnant.  I want to hug them and tell them that I understand.  I want to tell them that I have loved my children since I was 5 or 6 years old cutting out which stroller and car seat I would use for them from the Sunday ads.  My heart understands.  This song sings to my heart.  It centers me and recharges me to click more pictures, record more memories and say a prayer for all those babies that are waiting to be born to the parents who have dreamed of them for such a long time.

I am thinking about sweet Elly Michelle and how she was born at 25 weeks only to live for a few short hours.  I remember the excitement in her mama's posts and the first time parent questions she asked of me.  I have this picture stuck in my head of Jesus holding her tiny baby self and smiling at how perfect she is.  I have no words for her mama but I want her to know that I think of Elly nearly everyday and that she made an impact on me.  I will remember her name.

It is a reminder that we are not in this alone and we can lean on more than our spouses when we need a break.  It's in taking in a movie with a dear friend to just sit there and get totally lost in it, relaxing in the quietness and calm we rarely get.  It's in pedi's no one will see, dinner and margaritas that have us laughing over the craziness that is our kids.  How we went from wishing, praying, hoping, to frazzled, aged and needing a mommy's day out.

It's waking up this beautiful Sunday morning and feeling so recharged, so refreshed that I am completely  antsy for my daughter to wake up so I kiss her baby cheeks.  It's laughing with my 3.5 year old over his goofiness and the things he says.  We can just look at each other and be found in fits of laughter.  It's hugging my husband goodbye again this morning after hardly seeing him for days and reminding each other that it won't be like this for long.

He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Layin’ there in bed listenin’
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK

It won’t be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughin’
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
‘Cause it won't be like this for long

Four years later ‘bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This’ll only last a week or two

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long

Some day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she's up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers

He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on

‘Cause it won’t be like this for long

It take a village: Family ties

It takes a village to raise kids.  Our village is my family.  My parents especially.  Most of you already know that they left for their cruise a few Saturday's ago while us girls ventured out shopping.  I already missed my Mom as I found cute little things that would look great in her new kitchen or when I wanted to hear an opinion (an honest one) on how a shirt looked on me but it goes way beyond shopping opinions and straight to the heart of support.  I have no idea how we would be raising two kids without the support and help from my parents.

I called my dad saturday night to wish him a fun time and I wanted to cry just talking to him.  I have always been a huge homebody and I moved 2.5 miles away from my parents.  I didn't like saying goodbye and it made me uncomfortable knowing they would be out of touch and reach for a week.  I know I am an adult but I certainly didn't feel like one, let alone a parent of two.  I like that my dad calls randomly during the day to "check-in" and I like that he occasionally calls to drop in and see the kids.  I knew I would be missing his laid back, calm attitude at church as he waved hi to all the little kids and greeted them with high fives and jokes.  I love my dad.  He has always been such a softy and one I hate to disappoint.  He usually has great advice and always makes us laugh.  I have one very vivid memory of my dad growing up and it was back when my mom worked at the vineyard in the evenings.  I am not sure how I came to this conclusion but I realized that my dad was not invincible.  I realized that someday he would die and I came downstairs after I was supposed to be sleeping just bawling.  I vividly remember him sitting at the table without a shirt on reading the paper and watching TV on this old set that he would carry around the house and plug into just about anywhere.  He dropped everything and just held me until I was calmed down enough to finally fall asleep.  I had to be about 7 or so, maybe younger and the next time I worried about my dad's invincibility I was sitting in his ICU room as he came out of surgery nearly 12-15 years later.  It still to this day makes me cringe to remember that painful realization and how life is never a guarantee.

I had such a wonderful childhood and now my kids get to experience that everyday, at least one day per week with both of my parents.  They get to snuggle with my softy dad and they get spoiled by my mom's giving attitude that never stops.  They get hugs and kisses and prayers prayed over them everyday.  My mind is completely, totally, utterly at ease when I think about what my children are doing during the daytime while I am away at work.  They are crawling around and hiding in the same spots I did growing up.  My mom watching our kids is a huge, huge blessing and one that we never try to take to for granted.

D and I took the week off to be with the kids and most days it was both of us fumbling around trying to make it through the day, mostly because we all had a nasty unforgiving cold but still it's not easy work.  Everyday it was hard not to call my mom for advice or relief cause I know better than anyone that when one of us kids is sick she is willing to bring over soup and goodies hoping to help us feel better.

We frequently enjoy eating dinner at my parent's house.  My mom is about the best cook ever and our diets this last week they were gone were "each for their own" style.  Sickness played a huge part in that but just knowing I couldn't call up mom to see if we can eat over there was hugely disappointing for the food and the company.  Even after a long day with the kids my mom always goes over board with a 3-4 course meal complete with a Lyssi Lu meal all cut up and ready to go.  We missed that.  It was nice that my siblings were able to meet at my parent's for Lyssi Lu's birthday for pizza and cake.  They are always helping fill in gaps with childcare or quick visits to say hi to the kids.  They are definitely a part of our village.  I value and love my sibs more than ever now that we are older.

It was a relief to hear from my mom wednesday night despite the news that they were on a "sick" ship and turning around to come home.  Being out of communication with someone you literally talk to multiple times each day is unsettling.  D picked them up after cake and they stopped by to say hi the kids on the way home.  The reunion between the four was hilarious.  Let's just say that we didn't get that nice of a reunion when we came home from Vegas.  There is a special bond there.

Family ties really go so deep and are felt so acutely when they are stretched.  Just a little stretch tugs at our insides.  We made dinners yesterday, 4 to be exact.  Now that football is done I have the time to get organized for the week ahead.  Don't worry my husband hasn't starved this last season ; ).  So to celebrate we invited my parents over and they left with our riley.  We settled in by 7:15 with our babe sleeping to watch some TV whilst enjoying the quiet calm in the house.  By 9:00 we missed our boy.  It cracks me up that neither of us can go a night while riley is gone without uttering words of regret at his absence.

Even just the chance to sneak a last peek at him before going to bed is always missed.  Our family operates at it's best when we are together.  Isn't that what it is all about?  Lean/support, feed/eat, give/take, love/hate?  Ha!  Just kidding about the last one!

Anyways love you, my family, my sister and bro, my mom and dad, my husband and of course my son and his sweet sister.  What would I do without my village!?