Our hearts are getting packed up and ready to fill a new home with love and laughter.
After 11.5 years in our humble home we decided on a whim to put her up for sale and in just 6 days we had an offer. We accepted the offer and with it we started looking at houses rather frantically for fear of being homeless.
The first one we walked into was our house. I could see us playing in the large yard, mowing the plush grass, chasing eachother around the house and "hunting" in the oasis of the open field beyond our one acre where we had earlier seen two deer. I pictured our Christmas tree up and lit, our dinners, cozy and quaint around a refurbished thrifted table. I saw our kids wildly excited to hide in the house and have us seek them out. I saw pj's on, sitting near the fireplace, reading books and snuggling. I saw myself looking out the big, beautiful windows smiling while watching my husband out the window grilling on our deck. I saw rocking chairs on the porch as we toasted a successful summer night and watched the stars come out. I saw our future. I saw our children's future as they grew. I saw the next 30-40 years of our lives and it was wonderful.
We continued to look at 3 more houses and then stopped off at my parents to collect our kids before heading out for 2 more but my heart tugged at me and I knew my parents had to see our "deer" house. We quickly changed courses and set out once more to see the house. They loved it. They approved and shared in our dreams. I knew it was meant to be but we could only be sure if everything fell according to plan.
Everything slowly but surely fell into place and now we wait for the financing to be approved and we try to be patient.
It's hard to say how fast the last 30 days has gone. We left for Vegas with it sitting in the back of our heads and returned home to say "why not?". We finally fixed and de-cluttered things around our house that we had only dreamed of doing for years but never really felt the need to do. Oh complacency, where are you now? (My lazy susan's are not so lazy anymore and we need not stare at the food in them any longer.)
We signed and signed and signed paperwork and now we are just a few short weeks away from saying forever goodbye to 11927 Woodbine St, NW, respectively.
Just a few short days away from falling in love with our deer house I was offered a chance to transfer to our new Champlin clinic in an epic re-organization plan that will make our clinics "hubs" for the nursing homes closest to them. I would be the coordinator for Champlin and have a handful or so of coworkers under me waiting for assignments. It all has just come together too perfectly almost. Moving 15 minutes away from where we are now would have easily added another 20 minutes to my already 30 minutes commute. This will bring my commute down to 15-20 minutes and save on gas tremendously.
My heart is ready and at the same time heavy. The first night I met D we ended up coming back to his place and as he sat on the counter talking amongst friends I knew I would need that man in my life. A few nights later we sat in our now playroom and watched MTV while talking all night until the sun nearly came up. I fell in love in this house. We brought Deucer home to this house and he helped us demo much of what it is today from the 70's yellow/orange carpeting he helped rip up with his teething.
Deuce's entire life was in this house and for that reason alone we are sad to say goodbye. Add to that the fact that we brought our first baby into this house and then our second baby and my heart nearly breaks as I think of someone else turning their rooms into an office.
Yes, this house holds many, many memories. Too many to recall for you but it is too small and we knew this day was coming for a long time. In fact, we have been on a 5 year arm for about 9 years now, thank you very much low, low, low interest rates!
The bathroom begs for mercy when we all pile in there for the kids' bathtime. Our bedroom is just that, where we sleep and no room for anything else. Our yard is a pitiful excuse for grass (CR is known for notorious sand grass and we were no different). Our kitchen currently lends itself to washing clothes and frying up bacon at the same time. Our one car garage hasn't seen a car for years since the kids bikes and toys go into lockdown every night. She is small, she is old, she has been our home.
I cannot quite wrap my mind around owning stairs. I grew up with them and took them for granted. The stairs just intrigue me. One level living is convenient and all but we are going to own stairs soon. We will have 3 bathrooms, 4 bedrooms, two living rooms, a fireplace, a bar in the basement and room to fill up every crevice and hiding spot with memories. Yes, we will be those new home owners who are in awe of everything we have lived without for years. It will indeed be 365 days of thanksgiving and praise for years to come. It will be moving in with what we have and slowly but again surely filling up the place with our own signature. It will be time consuming and budgeting to get to where I see us in the next 15 years. It will be trial and error at what furniture would be best and if that plaid wallpaper should come down today or yesterday. It will be so fun and so rewarding and so darn exciting because we will do it together, as a family.
My sweet, tender hearted boy has voiced over and over again that he doesn't want to move. Sure he loves the deer house but he is insistent that he loves our house and his room. He wants to take the walls with him and I understand, our hearts beat the same. It will be uncomfortable for our kids the first few weeks understanding and adjusting their point of view to our new surroundings. It will be hard to say goodbye and there will be tears, probably lots and lots of tears but tears that are happy and sad all at the same time. It will be hectic and stressful moving in December days before Christmas but I have a feeling that those will be the memories that will stick with us forever, like "remember when we moved and Mom was deadset on putting up the tree first thing but Dad wanted help with the important stuff only to have Mom set up that tree and when we awoke a few days later Santa had found our new house and filled it up with toys?" Only Daddy agrees the tree and the beds will be first and foremost and the rest will follow as it may. : )
This is a good dream. The kind of nesting I have never done before. I constantly feel the energy of change these days and after seeing our "dear, deer" house again this morning and getting the stamp of approval from Uncle Kevin, house owner times 5 and cabin builder extraordinaire, I feel confident that the first house we looked at is our home. It should be noted that 5 deer scurried across the backyard as we stood in the living room...Riley is going to love this house!
I am still being cautiously optimistic, we still have some headaches to get through but this dream is getting closer and closer and it is going to be an incredible December indeed!
It's been real 11927 but 9101 here we come!
The MLS number to our future is # 4312596.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
The great pumpkin fail
My mind has been running a thousand and one miles an hour for the past few weeks. My next post will certainly be written with all my heart but this one has been in the works for weeks so for now, lighthearted fall fun.
Not exactly the fall I had envisioned. The weather has been cold, bitter even at times. We've had more rain this fall then I remember getting all summer so with that said we didn't go out and do everything I had wanted but we managed to make the best of what we did and here's just a few of the highlights.
1. Fall leaf hunts. We did this multiple times but our favorite was when Daddy came and the colors were at there best. We walked along the skinny deer trails and some of my absolute favorite pictures came out of this "hunt". We gathered up all kinds of leaves and when we got home Riley sorted first by color then by size. Great and easy little lesson and one you can only do for a short time here in MN!
3. The farm. Oh we love this farm. It's so serene and peaceful. The peacocks and a few pigs, goats and chickens just roam around and the pumpkins are always in perfect display patterns with varying colors from orange, white, green and yellow. We enjoyed the peaceful hay ride and we stalked the peacocks pleading with them to spread their tail feathers. It didn't happen but we did take two of those pretty feathers home with us!
4. Trick or treating. Riley was all ready to go this year. He was the seasoned pro to Alyssa's fumbling always a few steps behind. The kids did great and in the 10-15 houses we hit we have more than enough candy to carry us well into 2013! Eek, 2013! The weather was mild and we made it home by 7:15 so we could pass out candy too! It was kind of cute when we decided to dress up Alyssa as a chicken for warmth and debated about having her use her Toto basket. Riley suggested putting her kitchen eggs in the basket since she was a chicken and we went with it. Later on FB someone hilariously pointed out whether or not there was a CR shortage on halloween buckets. Haha, a little redneck trick or treating with a target bag and an Easter style basket! ; )
5. Snuggles, lots and lots of snuggles since I haven't worked a full week for the past 3 weeks we have been enjoying eachother, a lot!
It was a great fall but with us being gone for the Light up the Night parade and then missing the Grand Day parade (Anoka is the halloween capitol! ; ) I feel a bit disappointed in our activity check list but we made the best of it and I think our kids will be happy to look back and see a few pictures of 2012.
Not exactly the fall I had envisioned. The weather has been cold, bitter even at times. We've had more rain this fall then I remember getting all summer so with that said we didn't go out and do everything I had wanted but we managed to make the best of what we did and here's just a few of the highlights.
1. Fall leaf hunts. We did this multiple times but our favorite was when Daddy came and the colors were at there best. We walked along the skinny deer trails and some of my absolute favorite pictures came out of this "hunt". We gathered up all kinds of leaves and when we got home Riley sorted first by color then by size. Great and easy little lesson and one you can only do for a short time here in MN!
2. Trunk or treating. Church always does the best trunk or treating and this year was especially fun since the times changed a bit so it wasn't in the dark. Riley wasn't nearly as scared as he was in the dark the last few years and our little Lu even dressed up and came along. She didn't really understand not eating everything as she got it but eventually we persuaded her to keep moving along. Our faves include yet again the glow sticks...nothing betta than a glow stick for Moms and kids! No sugar but all the fun!
3. The farm. Oh we love this farm. It's so serene and peaceful. The peacocks and a few pigs, goats and chickens just roam around and the pumpkins are always in perfect display patterns with varying colors from orange, white, green and yellow. We enjoyed the peaceful hay ride and we stalked the peacocks pleading with them to spread their tail feathers. It didn't happen but we did take two of those pretty feathers home with us!
4. Trick or treating. Riley was all ready to go this year. He was the seasoned pro to Alyssa's fumbling always a few steps behind. The kids did great and in the 10-15 houses we hit we have more than enough candy to carry us well into 2013! Eek, 2013! The weather was mild and we made it home by 7:15 so we could pass out candy too! It was kind of cute when we decided to dress up Alyssa as a chicken for warmth and debated about having her use her Toto basket. Riley suggested putting her kitchen eggs in the basket since she was a chicken and we went with it. Later on FB someone hilariously pointed out whether or not there was a CR shortage on halloween buckets. Haha, a little redneck trick or treating with a target bag and an Easter style basket! ; )
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| What happened to my baby boy? And this was last years school picture! |
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| Both kids surprised me in bed at 5 a.m. and started fighting about touching eachother, I came back from the bathroom and discovered this. They decided holding hands would solve the problem. So much for a california king being big enough for 2 littles and a mama smooshed against the edge! |
It was a great fall but with us being gone for the Light up the Night parade and then missing the Grand Day parade (Anoka is the halloween capitol! ; ) I feel a bit disappointed in our activity check list but we made the best of it and I think our kids will be happy to look back and see a few pictures of 2012.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Life as of late
Life, sweet, exhausting, never a dull moment. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my brain that I don't really know where to start.
We've been good. Real good.
We have been celebrating my birthday for a week straight now and tomorrow shall be the culmination into 30. Oh dear, 30. I'm not scared or sad, just a little awestruck. My 20's were pretty magical. I fell deeply in love with my D, was engaged the night before my 21st, got married at 22, had a baby at 25, another one at 28 and now I look back and just see love. Tonight I am wearing glasses that only see the good. The last 10 years have been a whirlwind. The next 10 will be a whirlwind.
I remember feeling so young when I had Riley like I had no business having a baby let alone walking him out of the hospital and taking him home with me. That's the amazing thing about children. They can make you feel impossibly small and huge at any given moment. It never will be about just me and my wants, it will always be about what is best for our family and this is not only easy to swallow but a pill I have wanted to swallow since I was a young girl.
I have everything I have ever wanted. My family is close. My children are loved. I have a boy and a girl. One the spitting image of me, the other a spitting image of my husband. We have jobs, a house, two vehicles and food in the fridge. I feel so content.
Friday my parents had to put down Tuckie. He would have been 12 in December and it was alot harder on me than I expected. My kids loved him and it reminded us of Deuce. So we spent the evening drinking down marg's at our favorite Mexican joint with my parents and we laughed, ate and were generally merry. Saturday we started packing things up, organizing, cleaning, purging everything out. Our house will be up on the market soon and just the thought of leaving this house broke my heart. I have spent the last 10 years in the house. Both of our children were brought home to this house. It's not a huge house but it has huge pieces of our lives and hearts in it. Maybe it won't sell, maybe it will. The journey will be interesting but whatever happens, well just happens. I have zero expectations but you have to start somewhere.
My needs did matter alot this last week. It was odd and felt a little out of order and selfish but I was able to pretty much do whatever I wanted for the most part. We jet-setted to Vegas and enjoyed 82 degree weather, quiet hotel quarters, lots of adult conversation over dinners and coffee at whatever hour I wanted. It was pretty chill. We partied like we were rockstars, took in a Cirque show (The Reve, WOW), walked and walked and walked and finally came home to a dreary MN day. My heart felt right, it felt at peace, our kids, our own little house with all the little quirks you would expect from a 60 year old house were together and it was just right. I took an extra day off to spend with my little ones and we drank eachother up. Lyssi didn't stop smiling once all day. She kept touching my face all gently and repeating, "my mommy, my mommy." Riley was his usual ball of high energy and he once again beat me in our nightly Sorry game. I went back to work and my new hours 6 to 2:30 were a breeze added to the fact that 2 day work weeks are a piece of cake. We pulled the trigger on going out again to celebrate more birthdays coupled with mine Saturday, regrettably dropped off our children again and partied once more like rockstars. We slept late on Sunday and here I am. Dreaming about how much fun the next three PTO days will be. Thinking about what is in hold for me over the next 10 years.
My life is reigning in the wild "all boy" and soaking up the thoughtfulness and gentle touch of our baby girl. It's a good balance and to look into the future seems futile. I can't bring myself to imagine Riley or Alyssa any differently than they are today. I had my selfish week and now I am excited as all get-up about our family together on Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas . This year is going to be epic. Thirty makes me feel certifiably adult. I feel like I am going to take this year by the reigns. This last week has reminded me how important one on one time with my husband is. No more, we do absolutely everything, everyday, every weekend with our kids. We will carve out snippets of time for us. Adult conversation about unimportant things that make us laugh.
I hope my 30's will be less about comparisons and more about what genuinely and authentically makes me happy. I hope to be less hard on myself and learn to look past my really negative self-image. D has pointed out to me how very hard I am on myself and I started noted how many times I criticize the way I look or feel. It's a bad example for our children and I hope to learn in my 30's that it doesn't really matter. I hope to take a compliment and not immediately reject it. I hope to sing at the top of my lungs in church when a song moves me and throw my palms up to the ceiling because up to now, I haven't had the guts. I hope to be silly and embrace myself at any given moment. I hope the melasma around my eyes won't make me cringe to the point of avoiding looking in any mirrors all day long. I hope I take a healthier approach to working out that doesn't include the guilt I throw on myself for missing one day. I hope to eat the good chocolate when I need it and I vouch to shop for myself once in awhile cause the feel and fit of new jeans is incredible! I hope to pull out my big camera more for the everyday moments. I hope to pull out the camcorder more so we can remember that Riley can't pronounce certain letters and has the cutest little voice still and that Alyssa is a little dictionary of knowledge pronouncing and speaking full sentences at her tender age. I want to hug my children everyday and make them look me in the eye when I tell them how much I love them. I want them to feel my attention and love. I want to be more vocal with my love for my family. I want to tell my parents more often how much I love them. How important they are to me and how very, deeply, grateful I am for everything they do for us. I want to tell my sister more often how funny she is and how much I miss her when I don't see her for a few days. I want to tell my brother more often that he is the kindest, most giving and loving person I know.
I have hopes, dreams, visions of what the future might hold. But mostly, I just want to live everyday as it comes to me. There will be rough moments and shiny ones.
Cheers to 30. Cheers to life. Cheers to it all. It should be noted that I can't get "Good Life" out of my head. It really is a good life isn't it!?
We've been good. Real good.
We have been celebrating my birthday for a week straight now and tomorrow shall be the culmination into 30. Oh dear, 30. I'm not scared or sad, just a little awestruck. My 20's were pretty magical. I fell deeply in love with my D, was engaged the night before my 21st, got married at 22, had a baby at 25, another one at 28 and now I look back and just see love. Tonight I am wearing glasses that only see the good. The last 10 years have been a whirlwind. The next 10 will be a whirlwind.
I remember feeling so young when I had Riley like I had no business having a baby let alone walking him out of the hospital and taking him home with me. That's the amazing thing about children. They can make you feel impossibly small and huge at any given moment. It never will be about just me and my wants, it will always be about what is best for our family and this is not only easy to swallow but a pill I have wanted to swallow since I was a young girl.
I have everything I have ever wanted. My family is close. My children are loved. I have a boy and a girl. One the spitting image of me, the other a spitting image of my husband. We have jobs, a house, two vehicles and food in the fridge. I feel so content.
Friday my parents had to put down Tuckie. He would have been 12 in December and it was alot harder on me than I expected. My kids loved him and it reminded us of Deuce. So we spent the evening drinking down marg's at our favorite Mexican joint with my parents and we laughed, ate and were generally merry. Saturday we started packing things up, organizing, cleaning, purging everything out. Our house will be up on the market soon and just the thought of leaving this house broke my heart. I have spent the last 10 years in the house. Both of our children were brought home to this house. It's not a huge house but it has huge pieces of our lives and hearts in it. Maybe it won't sell, maybe it will. The journey will be interesting but whatever happens, well just happens. I have zero expectations but you have to start somewhere.
My needs did matter alot this last week. It was odd and felt a little out of order and selfish but I was able to pretty much do whatever I wanted for the most part. We jet-setted to Vegas and enjoyed 82 degree weather, quiet hotel quarters, lots of adult conversation over dinners and coffee at whatever hour I wanted. It was pretty chill. We partied like we were rockstars, took in a Cirque show (The Reve, WOW), walked and walked and walked and finally came home to a dreary MN day. My heart felt right, it felt at peace, our kids, our own little house with all the little quirks you would expect from a 60 year old house were together and it was just right. I took an extra day off to spend with my little ones and we drank eachother up. Lyssi didn't stop smiling once all day. She kept touching my face all gently and repeating, "my mommy, my mommy." Riley was his usual ball of high energy and he once again beat me in our nightly Sorry game. I went back to work and my new hours 6 to 2:30 were a breeze added to the fact that 2 day work weeks are a piece of cake. We pulled the trigger on going out again to celebrate more birthdays coupled with mine Saturday, regrettably dropped off our children again and partied once more like rockstars. We slept late on Sunday and here I am. Dreaming about how much fun the next three PTO days will be. Thinking about what is in hold for me over the next 10 years.
My life is reigning in the wild "all boy" and soaking up the thoughtfulness and gentle touch of our baby girl. It's a good balance and to look into the future seems futile. I can't bring myself to imagine Riley or Alyssa any differently than they are today. I had my selfish week and now I am excited as all get-up about our family together on Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas . This year is going to be epic. Thirty makes me feel certifiably adult. I feel like I am going to take this year by the reigns. This last week has reminded me how important one on one time with my husband is. No more, we do absolutely everything, everyday, every weekend with our kids. We will carve out snippets of time for us. Adult conversation about unimportant things that make us laugh.
I hope my 30's will be less about comparisons and more about what genuinely and authentically makes me happy. I hope to be less hard on myself and learn to look past my really negative self-image. D has pointed out to me how very hard I am on myself and I started noted how many times I criticize the way I look or feel. It's a bad example for our children and I hope to learn in my 30's that it doesn't really matter. I hope to take a compliment and not immediately reject it. I hope to sing at the top of my lungs in church when a song moves me and throw my palms up to the ceiling because up to now, I haven't had the guts. I hope to be silly and embrace myself at any given moment. I hope the melasma around my eyes won't make me cringe to the point of avoiding looking in any mirrors all day long. I hope I take a healthier approach to working out that doesn't include the guilt I throw on myself for missing one day. I hope to eat the good chocolate when I need it and I vouch to shop for myself once in awhile cause the feel and fit of new jeans is incredible! I hope to pull out my big camera more for the everyday moments. I hope to pull out the camcorder more so we can remember that Riley can't pronounce certain letters and has the cutest little voice still and that Alyssa is a little dictionary of knowledge pronouncing and speaking full sentences at her tender age. I want to hug my children everyday and make them look me in the eye when I tell them how much I love them. I want them to feel my attention and love. I want to be more vocal with my love for my family. I want to tell my parents more often how much I love them. How important they are to me and how very, deeply, grateful I am for everything they do for us. I want to tell my sister more often how funny she is and how much I miss her when I don't see her for a few days. I want to tell my brother more often that he is the kindest, most giving and loving person I know.
I have hopes, dreams, visions of what the future might hold. But mostly, I just want to live everyday as it comes to me. There will be rough moments and shiny ones.
Cheers to 30. Cheers to life. Cheers to it all. It should be noted that I can't get "Good Life" out of my head. It really is a good life isn't it!?
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Balance
Four weeks out from vacation and things are really starting to fall into place. Getting up at 4, taking my nap at 1 and picking up the kids at 3:15 have started to become easier and easier. Getting little chunkets (made up word!) of sleep is finally working and I have more energy than ever. A little patience and a lot of stamina go a long way with little ones in the household.
Case in point. This past Saturday we had to drop Daddy off at work at 10:00 and then we were on our own the rest of the day. Normally this would have been fine but we have seen this man for maybe 30 minutes each day the last few weeks so we were all missing him.
But I digress.
So we dropped him off and hit Caribou because I completely understand and listen to that little voice that says "a vanilla white mocha will make it all roses and gumdrops." You don't want to tempt that little voice so Caribou it was. With the liquid strength we proceeded to hit up Jared's for a much needed ring cleaning. We trekked over to Ulta which on an unrelated note Lyssi Lu loved. She is all girl. We walked to Pottery Barn cause big girl will need big girl sheets and a bed soon. Unrelated news...oh my gah, the cuteness in that store makes your ovaries flip. Luckily each one of my children was firmly holding onto either side of my shirt just close enough to each ovary in turn keeping them in check. I kinda kid. No pun intended. Anyways, Riley really, really, really wanted a lamp for his room. That whole store and my child was begging for a lamp. Practical? Check! We managed to completely pick out Lyssi's new big girl room and catalogued it for later when Daddy was in tow. We slid on down to Baby Gap and managed to eat up the next hour very quickly. Riley asked which size he needed I told him to hunt down 3's and he was off. He picked out 8 pairs before he came hobbling over to me looking like he was going to fall over from the weight. We headed over to the changing room and proceeded to try everything on. Baby Gap is for us notoriously bigger than the listed sizes so and unfortunate side effect is trying everything, everything on. When Riley stripped down Lyssi wanted to strip down, okay, whatev. We tried a few pairs on, tried a new dress on for girlfriend and kept moving through the pile. Someone had pushed the assistance button which worked because we needed a different size in a few pairs anyways. Nice lady comes to the door, both kids got excited and started squealing with joy a little bit. Squealing made them realize it echoed and they rightly squealed for the entire rest of our changing room visit. Now when nice lady came back to the door (and I am pretty sure Alyssa had this planned out the whole time) little lady escaped in nothing but a diaper and sister is fast and was free from any clothes slowing her down so the crazy lady in the tiny changing room with 2 kids squealing for the last 10 minutes has now let one of her children out on the loose, in just a diaper because well, she is crazy and has clearly no control over her kids. So I finally grab her slippery little self we get everyone dressed again and we make our way over to check out. Both of our kids like to "pay" by signing their name so more chaos broke out for a short time over who got to "sign" first but I don't even pay "those" people eye contact back. Clearly no one remembers what it can be like with two younger children who have a zest for life. It was lunch time and so be it that signing was the most important thing in their little lives for those five minutes. The moral of the story is that Riley was made for skinny jeans (no, not the ridic skinny kind) and sometimes the circus life is in any given moment is quite funny and calls for a cupcake shop visit pre-lunch.
Nadia cakes? Cute shop, fun decor, pretty cupcakes. Way too heavy, too much sugar and just not good. Womp, womp, womp.
Our last stop was a carwash which the kids had been begging for all day long. Of course there was a wait but the tri-color foam makes everything worth it so wait we did. We finally dragged ourselves in the door at 1:45 had PB&J and hit the sack.
I kept thinking how could it only have been 3.5 hours since we dropped Daddy off? It felt like 8.5! A lot more work with 2 but the rewards are greater. We had fun. We had a big bag of new clothes and even Lyssi scored a few things. Her big fall/winter shopping trip will come another day. I can only handle one big score at a time! : ) We had a fun night, capped off with the bebes going to bed and a workout for me.
This is the perfect time to interject that I have the nicest brother ever. He got off work ran to the grocery store for me cause after all those errands I forgot milk and the ingredients for the taco dip I promised my husband and he then sat at our house so I could pick up a slightly inebriated D. It was a trip in pj's, no bra, no makeup and sweaty hair. I assumed a quick call would get D off the bar stool and into the truck. Turns out an almost 30 year old, sweaty, tired mama of 2 was the most happenin thing going on in New Brighton that night. I was there in the truck for over 30 minutes as each person had to tell me how much they either loved me or D. I had multiple people on my truck. On the roof or the hood. I had to spray multiple people with washer fluid numerous times and finally we were able to exit.
I finally flopped in bed around 12:30 set my alarm to 7:30 and slept, soundly and peacefully.
Sunday routine was a nice change of pace after a sporadic summer. It was good and all kinds of needed. Sunday School for Riley, nursery for Alyssa, adult bible study for Mommy and a quick pick up for Riley, a quick spy on Lyssi and then church for us. It was a great sermon and combined with my Jesus Calling devo and I feel balanced, content, happy, secure.
Real quick I want to share with you September 8th from Jesus Calling...this has gotten me through everyday.
"Accept each day exactly as it comes to you, by that I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the condition of your body. Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.
On some days your circumstances and physical condition may feel out of balance. The demands on you seem far greater than your strength. Days like this present a choice-giving up or relying on Me. Even if you wrongly chose the first, I will not reject you. You can turn to Me at any point and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement. I will infuse my strength into you moment by moment, giving you all you need for this day. Trust Me."
Powerful.
Case in point. This past Saturday we had to drop Daddy off at work at 10:00 and then we were on our own the rest of the day. Normally this would have been fine but we have seen this man for maybe 30 minutes each day the last few weeks so we were all missing him.
But I digress.
So we dropped him off and hit Caribou because I completely understand and listen to that little voice that says "a vanilla white mocha will make it all roses and gumdrops." You don't want to tempt that little voice so Caribou it was. With the liquid strength we proceeded to hit up Jared's for a much needed ring cleaning. We trekked over to Ulta which on an unrelated note Lyssi Lu loved. She is all girl. We walked to Pottery Barn cause big girl will need big girl sheets and a bed soon. Unrelated news...oh my gah, the cuteness in that store makes your ovaries flip. Luckily each one of my children was firmly holding onto either side of my shirt just close enough to each ovary in turn keeping them in check. I kinda kid. No pun intended. Anyways, Riley really, really, really wanted a lamp for his room. That whole store and my child was begging for a lamp. Practical? Check! We managed to completely pick out Lyssi's new big girl room and catalogued it for later when Daddy was in tow. We slid on down to Baby Gap and managed to eat up the next hour very quickly. Riley asked which size he needed I told him to hunt down 3's and he was off. He picked out 8 pairs before he came hobbling over to me looking like he was going to fall over from the weight. We headed over to the changing room and proceeded to try everything on. Baby Gap is for us notoriously bigger than the listed sizes so and unfortunate side effect is trying everything, everything on. When Riley stripped down Lyssi wanted to strip down, okay, whatev. We tried a few pairs on, tried a new dress on for girlfriend and kept moving through the pile. Someone had pushed the assistance button which worked because we needed a different size in a few pairs anyways. Nice lady comes to the door, both kids got excited and started squealing with joy a little bit. Squealing made them realize it echoed and they rightly squealed for the entire rest of our changing room visit. Now when nice lady came back to the door (and I am pretty sure Alyssa had this planned out the whole time) little lady escaped in nothing but a diaper and sister is fast and was free from any clothes slowing her down so the crazy lady in the tiny changing room with 2 kids squealing for the last 10 minutes has now let one of her children out on the loose, in just a diaper because well, she is crazy and has clearly no control over her kids. So I finally grab her slippery little self we get everyone dressed again and we make our way over to check out. Both of our kids like to "pay" by signing their name so more chaos broke out for a short time over who got to "sign" first but I don't even pay "those" people eye contact back. Clearly no one remembers what it can be like with two younger children who have a zest for life. It was lunch time and so be it that signing was the most important thing in their little lives for those five minutes. The moral of the story is that Riley was made for skinny jeans (no, not the ridic skinny kind) and sometimes the circus life is in any given moment is quite funny and calls for a cupcake shop visit pre-lunch.
Nadia cakes? Cute shop, fun decor, pretty cupcakes. Way too heavy, too much sugar and just not good. Womp, womp, womp.
Our last stop was a carwash which the kids had been begging for all day long. Of course there was a wait but the tri-color foam makes everything worth it so wait we did. We finally dragged ourselves in the door at 1:45 had PB&J and hit the sack.
I kept thinking how could it only have been 3.5 hours since we dropped Daddy off? It felt like 8.5! A lot more work with 2 but the rewards are greater. We had fun. We had a big bag of new clothes and even Lyssi scored a few things. Her big fall/winter shopping trip will come another day. I can only handle one big score at a time! : ) We had a fun night, capped off with the bebes going to bed and a workout for me.
This is the perfect time to interject that I have the nicest brother ever. He got off work ran to the grocery store for me cause after all those errands I forgot milk and the ingredients for the taco dip I promised my husband and he then sat at our house so I could pick up a slightly inebriated D. It was a trip in pj's, no bra, no makeup and sweaty hair. I assumed a quick call would get D off the bar stool and into the truck. Turns out an almost 30 year old, sweaty, tired mama of 2 was the most happenin thing going on in New Brighton that night. I was there in the truck for over 30 minutes as each person had to tell me how much they either loved me or D. I had multiple people on my truck. On the roof or the hood. I had to spray multiple people with washer fluid numerous times and finally we were able to exit.
I finally flopped in bed around 12:30 set my alarm to 7:30 and slept, soundly and peacefully.
Sunday routine was a nice change of pace after a sporadic summer. It was good and all kinds of needed. Sunday School for Riley, nursery for Alyssa, adult bible study for Mommy and a quick pick up for Riley, a quick spy on Lyssi and then church for us. It was a great sermon and combined with my Jesus Calling devo and I feel balanced, content, happy, secure.
Real quick I want to share with you September 8th from Jesus Calling...this has gotten me through everyday.
"Accept each day exactly as it comes to you, by that I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the condition of your body. Your assignment is to trust Me absolutely, resting in My sovereignty and faithfulness.
On some days your circumstances and physical condition may feel out of balance. The demands on you seem far greater than your strength. Days like this present a choice-giving up or relying on Me. Even if you wrongly chose the first, I will not reject you. You can turn to Me at any point and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement. I will infuse my strength into you moment by moment, giving you all you need for this day. Trust Me."
Powerful.
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| He is so "a little me", sickness comes fast and easy. |
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| Church cuties, does she look all grown up or what!? |
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| sick cutie |
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| Alyssa's first ponytail! Can you see the disgust on her face from me pulling at her hair and then making her sit still for pictures? Haha, love her! |
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| fall lyssi lu must haves! |
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| Kids bowl free rules, a celebratory hug! |
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| Ain't she purdy? |
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| Totally random Lu lu shots but her thighs are too cute! |
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| tackle box saturday morning show and tell, these sweet things slay me |
Friday, September 7, 2012
keeping it real, tears and a total brain dump
These last few weeks have been hard. Work has been emotionally and physically draining. What's that you ask? What exactly do I have to do going in at such an obscene hour?
Basically I am an air traffic controller for phlebotomists around the cities. I go in at four and get the routes set for the morning runs. We outreach to nursing homes and in order to be efficient it is required of us to beat the nursing home staff getting residents up and about so we stalk them early and get most of our work done before they are at breakfast or bingo. The state requires us to draw blood in a private area and our insurance company requires us to not transport patients so as soon as they have left their room we are at the mercy of the staff to transport them back to their room which is alot easier than it sounds. Every nursing home we serve has a "lab day" where they try to get the majority of the tests for the patients done that morning. PT/INR's and fasting labs are always given morning priority and then there is timed draws for medication administration and the obligatory STAT's that come in when the NH staff forgets to put in an order for the morning. It's dispatching 15-17 phleb's and another 5-6 couriers who deliver medication to hospice patients and pick up samples and making sure everything comes in before it goes "bad". It's training all the new staff and going out with the current staff to make times faster and help with hard sticks. It's making sure that everything is tight procedurally speaking and that we are upholding and keeping with the Hippa, CLIA and CAP regulations. It's researching the numerous problems that come up everyday and catering to the picky customers while listening to them eat our people alive and then giving into their demands. We have homes everywhere including the notable Buffalo, Waconia, Woodbury, Forest Lake and my personal favorites Anoka and CR. Most of our staff run 5-9 a.m. so we cram alot into those early hours and hope for the best. It's alot of knowing who you have on and making everyone happy. It's starting at 4 and hoping to get a break at 10:30. Lately we have been running on empty between not having a supervisor present for the last 11 weeks to having a manager "resign" because of budget cuts. Our team lead was stepped up to interim supervisor and I was stepped up to team lead. It doesn't mean much except that I appreciate the token and have always cared passionately about the office running smoothly and in turn appreciate that they have noticed. I don't do anything with half my heart and this office is no exception. To make the staff happy we granted one too many vacays over the last 3 weeks so our 17 routes has been manned by like 10-11 people. In layman terms: STRESSFUL. Add in the nearly everyday sick call and you have yourself a scheduling nightmare, every.single.morning. Bored yet? haha, I wish it was boring!
I haven't taken a break in more than 2 weeks. I run on a Mt. Dew and granola bar everyday. The upside? I only have to pack my lunch for Monday and it's still sitting there waiting for me to someday actually eat it. The downside? One can only run on a Mt. Dew for so long before the proverbial $h!% hits the fan.
I have a sidekick. Her name is TJ. We don't even have to speak, mostly because who wants to speak at 4 a.m. but anyways we work insync without words spoken to get the work done. We run, we don't walk. We laugh and pick eachother up. She has become a dear friend and we may or may not consider ourselves the "A" team. She has been gone for 10 days and her ying to my yang finally gave way Thursday when I opened my inbox only to discover once again that everyone asks everything of TJ and I and I could simply not do it all on my own. I cried, big fat alligator tears and I slowed down to a crawl. I dropped a few unflattering words and when one of my phlebs walked in whining over the fact that she only slept for 4 hours the night before I might have started giggling. Giggling in a way that only crazy people who never get more than 4-5 hours every.single.night. do. Eventually I collected myself and by Thursday I finally got a break. I love it when my co-workers say "just take a break" unfortunately I am not wired like that. I cannot leave things hanging or people waiting. I am always striving to do more, work faster, be more efficient and on top of everything. It's always been like that. In school I was always the first the one to put their pencils down 10 minutes into a 70 minute exam. I would rather push through and be done than sit down and have anything staring at me. I also might have a touch of OCD but nothing has been diagnosed. : )
This last week or so we have watched both the RNC and some of the DNC...we are equal opportunity in this house ; ) Mostly we watched the DNC just for Michelle Obama. You can't not like her. She seems so nice and so perfect. Futhermore, after hearing Mitt praise his wife for staying home all those years with 5 boys while he was away and then seeing Michelle and how much she does for her own kids I realized that I am a complete and utter failure.
We are so hard on ourselves aren't we?! I wished and wanted more for my kids in those moments and then I went to work to the next day and just got pounded on again.
It was also a combination of Daddy being gone so much and me being the everything at home. I done good but I tired. Nice English eh? I like rising to the challenge and being successful as the "single" mom but every "super" mom has an event that within seconds can break them. Mine was, once again, feeling like a failure of a mom. I served pizza for the second time this week and after an emotional day of dropping Riley off for yet another first day in turn catapulting him toward leaving the house for college I lost mine marbles. I had a good, old fashioned, soul cleansing, ugly cry. It was crying over how big my baby is (she is saying new words everyday, today was "jump" and "cup") to crying over how big my other baby is ("mommy I loved everything about today") to missing my husband so much to dreading the weekend because honestly it's way too busy. It was remembering Aeon and how pitiful my own problems are. So we put on pj's at 5:24, snuggled up and sat together on couch cushions awaiting Daddy. I vowed to be a better mommy tomorrow. I started a checklist in my head of what we needed to do before the snow flies. I started a list of things we can sign up for this winter to keep us busy and then I lost my marbles again.
We spend so much time pinning and googling new and cool ideas to make us the ideal, picture perfect mom and for what? Cause all I see when I look at my Pinterest page is a whole bunch of super cool stuff that I have never even come close to attempting. My husband sighs when I explain and yet he still doesn't understand "pinning" and I gawf at his ignorance. But tomorrow I promise to be gawf at myself for being as ignorant as thinking pinning will make me a better mom. I will gawf at thinking signing Riley up for swimming and Awana will make me a better mom. Once again, tomorrow I will be better...I swear we just can't win.
So I throw up my hands and admit that we eat pizza alot and when I am too lazy to cut up fruit I hand my kids gogo squeezes. It's how we roll.
As much as I/you can pick apart everything we/others do, deep down we must know we are good mommies who love our children dearly and even in those moments where we just want to scream. All of this is so much easier said than done but eventually, maybe, someday it will sink in.
If there is one thing that is good about Pinterest it is finding little gems like this...
Basically I am an air traffic controller for phlebotomists around the cities. I go in at four and get the routes set for the morning runs. We outreach to nursing homes and in order to be efficient it is required of us to beat the nursing home staff getting residents up and about so we stalk them early and get most of our work done before they are at breakfast or bingo. The state requires us to draw blood in a private area and our insurance company requires us to not transport patients so as soon as they have left their room we are at the mercy of the staff to transport them back to their room which is alot easier than it sounds. Every nursing home we serve has a "lab day" where they try to get the majority of the tests for the patients done that morning. PT/INR's and fasting labs are always given morning priority and then there is timed draws for medication administration and the obligatory STAT's that come in when the NH staff forgets to put in an order for the morning. It's dispatching 15-17 phleb's and another 5-6 couriers who deliver medication to hospice patients and pick up samples and making sure everything comes in before it goes "bad". It's training all the new staff and going out with the current staff to make times faster and help with hard sticks. It's making sure that everything is tight procedurally speaking and that we are upholding and keeping with the Hippa, CLIA and CAP regulations. It's researching the numerous problems that come up everyday and catering to the picky customers while listening to them eat our people alive and then giving into their demands. We have homes everywhere including the notable Buffalo, Waconia, Woodbury, Forest Lake and my personal favorites Anoka and CR. Most of our staff run 5-9 a.m. so we cram alot into those early hours and hope for the best. It's alot of knowing who you have on and making everyone happy. It's starting at 4 and hoping to get a break at 10:30. Lately we have been running on empty between not having a supervisor present for the last 11 weeks to having a manager "resign" because of budget cuts. Our team lead was stepped up to interim supervisor and I was stepped up to team lead. It doesn't mean much except that I appreciate the token and have always cared passionately about the office running smoothly and in turn appreciate that they have noticed. I don't do anything with half my heart and this office is no exception. To make the staff happy we granted one too many vacays over the last 3 weeks so our 17 routes has been manned by like 10-11 people. In layman terms: STRESSFUL. Add in the nearly everyday sick call and you have yourself a scheduling nightmare, every.single.morning. Bored yet? haha, I wish it was boring!
I haven't taken a break in more than 2 weeks. I run on a Mt. Dew and granola bar everyday. The upside? I only have to pack my lunch for Monday and it's still sitting there waiting for me to someday actually eat it. The downside? One can only run on a Mt. Dew for so long before the proverbial $h!% hits the fan.
I have a sidekick. Her name is TJ. We don't even have to speak, mostly because who wants to speak at 4 a.m. but anyways we work insync without words spoken to get the work done. We run, we don't walk. We laugh and pick eachother up. She has become a dear friend and we may or may not consider ourselves the "A" team. She has been gone for 10 days and her ying to my yang finally gave way Thursday when I opened my inbox only to discover once again that everyone asks everything of TJ and I and I could simply not do it all on my own. I cried, big fat alligator tears and I slowed down to a crawl. I dropped a few unflattering words and when one of my phlebs walked in whining over the fact that she only slept for 4 hours the night before I might have started giggling. Giggling in a way that only crazy people who never get more than 4-5 hours every.single.night. do. Eventually I collected myself and by Thursday I finally got a break. I love it when my co-workers say "just take a break" unfortunately I am not wired like that. I cannot leave things hanging or people waiting. I am always striving to do more, work faster, be more efficient and on top of everything. It's always been like that. In school I was always the first the one to put their pencils down 10 minutes into a 70 minute exam. I would rather push through and be done than sit down and have anything staring at me. I also might have a touch of OCD but nothing has been diagnosed. : )
This last week or so we have watched both the RNC and some of the DNC...we are equal opportunity in this house ; ) Mostly we watched the DNC just for Michelle Obama. You can't not like her. She seems so nice and so perfect. Futhermore, after hearing Mitt praise his wife for staying home all those years with 5 boys while he was away and then seeing Michelle and how much she does for her own kids I realized that I am a complete and utter failure.
We are so hard on ourselves aren't we?! I wished and wanted more for my kids in those moments and then I went to work to the next day and just got pounded on again.
It was also a combination of Daddy being gone so much and me being the everything at home. I done good but I tired. Nice English eh? I like rising to the challenge and being successful as the "single" mom but every "super" mom has an event that within seconds can break them. Mine was, once again, feeling like a failure of a mom. I served pizza for the second time this week and after an emotional day of dropping Riley off for yet another first day in turn catapulting him toward leaving the house for college I lost mine marbles. I had a good, old fashioned, soul cleansing, ugly cry. It was crying over how big my baby is (she is saying new words everyday, today was "jump" and "cup") to crying over how big my other baby is ("mommy I loved everything about today") to missing my husband so much to dreading the weekend because honestly it's way too busy. It was remembering Aeon and how pitiful my own problems are. So we put on pj's at 5:24, snuggled up and sat together on couch cushions awaiting Daddy. I vowed to be a better mommy tomorrow. I started a checklist in my head of what we needed to do before the snow flies. I started a list of things we can sign up for this winter to keep us busy and then I lost my marbles again.
We spend so much time pinning and googling new and cool ideas to make us the ideal, picture perfect mom and for what? Cause all I see when I look at my Pinterest page is a whole bunch of super cool stuff that I have never even come close to attempting. My husband sighs when I explain and yet he still doesn't understand "pinning" and I gawf at his ignorance. But tomorrow I promise to be gawf at myself for being as ignorant as thinking pinning will make me a better mom. I will gawf at thinking signing Riley up for swimming and Awana will make me a better mom. Once again, tomorrow I will be better...I swear we just can't win.
So I throw up my hands and admit that we eat pizza alot and when I am too lazy to cut up fruit I hand my kids gogo squeezes. It's how we roll.
As much as I/you can pick apart everything we/others do, deep down we must know we are good mommies who love our children dearly and even in those moments where we just want to scream. All of this is so much easier said than done but eventually, maybe, someday it will sink in.
If there is one thing that is good about Pinterest it is finding little gems like this...
Love today, put away yesterday and forget about tomorrow.
(someone remind me about this the next time I have a "the kids are so big, I am a failure" moment. k-kthanks!)
Only for a short time are you mine to hold.
There has been horribly sad news in my family this past few weeks. My cousin Erin and her husband Eric lost their 3 year old daughter Aeon unexpectedly. The details are few but we know that she wasn't feeling good and just stopped breathing. The paramedics were unable to resuscitate her and just like that the world stopped spinning for them.
Our hearts and minds have been on sweet Aeon everyday since we heard the news. They live in FL so there was little we could do but send money and prayers their way.
We have been hugging fiercer, kissing more often and telling our children how much we love them, intentionally, every chance we get.
Eric and Erin are very lucky to have a very strong faith and Eric had a vision I would like to share with you before I move on. It brought me to tears.
“ In my vision. I saw myself standing in the River of Life. Erin was there to my left and Aeon was with us in from of us…..As soon as we saw Him (Jesus), we knelt down right there in the River before Him. We stood up and He walked over to me and hugged me. But instead of simply hugging me, He stepped inside of me. Then, Jesus stepped out of me and walked over to Erin and hugged her. Again, He also stepped inside of her. He walked out of her and went over and picked up Aeon into His arms out of the River……then Jesus said, ‘ Stay here as long as you like. And even when you leave, you are still seated with me. This is a place of rejoicing. Tell them I am coming back. Tell them I am coming back.’ Then, Jesus started to cry. And with tears streaming down His face He continued, ‘Tell them I’m coming back and I don’t want them to miss it. I want them with Me and in Me. I want to be in them. I want to play with them in the River of Life. I don’t want it to be too late. Don’t wait! Don’t’ Wait! The time is short. I come back for My Bride who is gorgeous and sparkling white. She longs to see Me. She longs to be with Me; to be in Me and I in Her forever. It pains me. It pains Me that people choose Darkness rather than Light. Come to the Light. Come to Me. I love you….’ Jesus continued ‘Aeon Zoe (Eternal Life). I have your daughter with Me. She is safe. I am her Lift-Giver. Do not be afraid. For I will use you in way your haven’t yet imagined. Just yield to Me’ then He reaches inside of Erin and He pulls out pain. He said ‘I carried your grief. I carried your sorrow. I carried your pain. Then He reached inside of me (Eric) and pulled out all the pain and He continued, ‘….so you don’t have to.’”
This gives me such reassurance. I love the picture it paints of Jesus holding little Aeon and the peace that it gives knowing she is in the best arms being so loved and so well taken care of.
Meanwhile, the children and I have been getting in lots of quality time. Daddy has been uber busy working the fair every other day and then booking appointments every free moment he has. We have created a sort of routine that is working better everyday. We play, we eat, we workout, we play outside, we bathe/shower and we snuggle before bedtime. It's been carefree and actually quite easy. Routines can be so good at times with 2 young littles. Don't get me wrong, raising children is not exactly a piece of cake but a little perspective, a lot of patience and the ability to go with the flow take you a very long way to sanity. There has been moments where I am counting down the minutes til Daddy gets home but these really are the best days of our lives.
Riley and I spent a special day together at the fair, visiting Daddy and doing everything the kid could possibly want to do. Yes, we stood in line to fish at the Northwoods exhibit. We shared mini donuts, we loved alphabet forest and we walked through the pet center remembering and reliving Deuce together. He was such a trooper walking around in the heat all day long and even though I didn't get to do anything I really wanted to do (shop, eat everything (I only had pickles :( ) and just sit down to people watch) it was a special day that wore us out down to our bones.
We've been preparing for 4 year old pre-k and he's been so excited to start back up this year. He is going to be in the 3-4 year old class for one more year because of his summer birthday. It's either repeat a year or have him only be 17 when he graduates and always being the youngest. We opted for one more year of childhood because frankly we aren't ready for him to grow up anymore and we would rather him have the chance to be a leader as one of the oldest than a follower at the one who can't drive for a whole year when everyone else can. It's a personal decision and one we are very comfortable with. I had to explain to D over and over again that it's not holding him back it's giving him back one more year of carefree childhood. He isn't repeating a grade, it's pre-k and it's 3-4 year old pre-k not 2nd grade or something. He is completely ready and able to move up to the 4-5 year old classroom but I don't think anyone would ever say that they wish they had one less year of the carefree state of mind. #amiright?!
Alyssa and I dropped off Riley today and she was not happy she couldn't have a backpack and stay in school. In her words "no go, no go". Sweet little lady. I had teary eyes while we walked out as I knew I would. But we jetted off to meet friends for coffee and once again my girl proved to be so chill and so much fun to be around. She just sat in a chair and nibbled on my lemon poppy seed bread interjecting "hi's" and "mommy's" every now and again.
We were both eagerly anticipating picking the boy up and she ran down the hallway shouting out "riwee, riwee." We met "Nanny" for lunch and scooted back home for naps. This is the good life. It's a such a good life. I love my days off with these two. I love my front seat at their personalities unfolding and watching them figure out life. This is a privilege. I pray everyday in thankfulness for this life and for forgiveness for the things I fall short at and the patience I should have had.
The obligatory first day picture and yes, I missed the memo about the chalkboard picture frames ; )
Our hearts and minds have been on sweet Aeon everyday since we heard the news. They live in FL so there was little we could do but send money and prayers their way.
We have been hugging fiercer, kissing more often and telling our children how much we love them, intentionally, every chance we get.
Eric and Erin are very lucky to have a very strong faith and Eric had a vision I would like to share with you before I move on. It brought me to tears.
“ In my vision. I saw myself standing in the River of Life. Erin was there to my left and Aeon was with us in from of us…..As soon as we saw Him (Jesus), we knelt down right there in the River before Him. We stood up and He walked over to me and hugged me. But instead of simply hugging me, He stepped inside of me. Then, Jesus stepped out of me and walked over to Erin and hugged her. Again, He also stepped inside of her. He walked out of her and went over and picked up Aeon into His arms out of the River……then Jesus said, ‘ Stay here as long as you like. And even when you leave, you are still seated with me. This is a place of rejoicing. Tell them I am coming back. Tell them I am coming back.’ Then, Jesus started to cry. And with tears streaming down His face He continued, ‘Tell them I’m coming back and I don’t want them to miss it. I want them with Me and in Me. I want to be in them. I want to play with them in the River of Life. I don’t want it to be too late. Don’t wait! Don’t’ Wait! The time is short. I come back for My Bride who is gorgeous and sparkling white. She longs to see Me. She longs to be with Me; to be in Me and I in Her forever. It pains me. It pains Me that people choose Darkness rather than Light. Come to the Light. Come to Me. I love you….’ Jesus continued ‘Aeon Zoe (Eternal Life). I have your daughter with Me. She is safe. I am her Lift-Giver. Do not be afraid. For I will use you in way your haven’t yet imagined. Just yield to Me’ then He reaches inside of Erin and He pulls out pain. He said ‘I carried your grief. I carried your sorrow. I carried your pain. Then He reached inside of me (Eric) and pulled out all the pain and He continued, ‘….so you don’t have to.’”
This gives me such reassurance. I love the picture it paints of Jesus holding little Aeon and the peace that it gives knowing she is in the best arms being so loved and so well taken care of.
Meanwhile, the children and I have been getting in lots of quality time. Daddy has been uber busy working the fair every other day and then booking appointments every free moment he has. We have created a sort of routine that is working better everyday. We play, we eat, we workout, we play outside, we bathe/shower and we snuggle before bedtime. It's been carefree and actually quite easy. Routines can be so good at times with 2 young littles. Don't get me wrong, raising children is not exactly a piece of cake but a little perspective, a lot of patience and the ability to go with the flow take you a very long way to sanity. There has been moments where I am counting down the minutes til Daddy gets home but these really are the best days of our lives.
Riley and I spent a special day together at the fair, visiting Daddy and doing everything the kid could possibly want to do. Yes, we stood in line to fish at the Northwoods exhibit. We shared mini donuts, we loved alphabet forest and we walked through the pet center remembering and reliving Deuce together. He was such a trooper walking around in the heat all day long and even though I didn't get to do anything I really wanted to do (shop, eat everything (I only had pickles :( ) and just sit down to people watch) it was a special day that wore us out down to our bones.
We've been preparing for 4 year old pre-k and he's been so excited to start back up this year. He is going to be in the 3-4 year old class for one more year because of his summer birthday. It's either repeat a year or have him only be 17 when he graduates and always being the youngest. We opted for one more year of childhood because frankly we aren't ready for him to grow up anymore and we would rather him have the chance to be a leader as one of the oldest than a follower at the one who can't drive for a whole year when everyone else can. It's a personal decision and one we are very comfortable with. I had to explain to D over and over again that it's not holding him back it's giving him back one more year of carefree childhood. He isn't repeating a grade, it's pre-k and it's 3-4 year old pre-k not 2nd grade or something. He is completely ready and able to move up to the 4-5 year old classroom but I don't think anyone would ever say that they wish they had one less year of the carefree state of mind. #amiright?!
Alyssa and I dropped off Riley today and she was not happy she couldn't have a backpack and stay in school. In her words "no go, no go". Sweet little lady. I had teary eyes while we walked out as I knew I would. But we jetted off to meet friends for coffee and once again my girl proved to be so chill and so much fun to be around. She just sat in a chair and nibbled on my lemon poppy seed bread interjecting "hi's" and "mommy's" every now and again.
We were both eagerly anticipating picking the boy up and she ran down the hallway shouting out "riwee, riwee." We met "Nanny" for lunch and scooted back home for naps. This is the good life. It's a such a good life. I love my days off with these two. I love my front seat at their personalities unfolding and watching them figure out life. This is a privilege. I pray everyday in thankfulness for this life and for forgiveness for the things I fall short at and the patience I should have had.
The obligatory first day picture and yes, I missed the memo about the chalkboard picture frames ; )
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| couch cushion movie night, so worth the mess! |
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| nature hike ending up in being rained on, so worth the laughs |
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| reading loft fake smile, so worth the teeth pulled to get |
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| our "On Golden Pond" evening walk, so worth the sweat |
 |
| fall dreaming, so worth the chalky mess |
 |
| fish pond, so worth the wait |
 |
| park play date, so worth waking her up for although she disagreed for awhle |
 |
| Him, so worth the lack of sleep, the tears of frustration and the utter chaos that comes with parenthood. Oh how I miss this little boy with those chubby wrists and tiny features. It's been a good 4 years. |
Friday, August 24, 2012
Put the world away for a minute
and pretend I don't live in it.
Did the Olympics have you obsessed, couch driven and utterly drained from nearly no sleep like me? 4 years ago I was on maternity leave with a fresh newborn that didn't sleep all evening/night so the Olympics was a blast. I watched everything. This time around I get up at 3 a.m. after not going to bed until nearly 10:30 and then have to come down after the high that is Phelps winning the gold or the Fab Five taking it all. I can't help it. I LOVE the Olympics. The opening ceremonies were weird to say the least but I can't stop watching when the athletes come marching in. It's rather surreal to watch Afghanistan march in and to remember that they are human and not just terrorist monsters waiting and plotting to take out our Western civilization. It's refreshing to watch the flags and the smiles that sparkle from each person, so much pride in one huge stadium. By the second week I forward to wrapping them up about as much as I look forward to them every 4 years. It's caused a "stall" in my normalcy and routine. It's been alot of no sleep, not picking up a book, no down time, ice cream eating in the dark. Amazing how the best athletes in the world inspire you and at the same time transform you into the biggest couch potato, junk food fanatic, laziest person ever.
I finally broke down and just had to put the world away for a minute or 60. I needed to breathe, move, be on my own for more than a 2 minute bathroom break.
I am normally the one who looks past the mess and sees that our kids had fun. I am the one who is quick to point out that they are only 4 and 18 months once. I smile while I potty and have Alyssa handing me TP and Riley asking me where my weiner is. I can usually handle the chaos and chatter easily. This last week of the olympics I had done anything but. It came down to an utter lack of sleep and losing myself a bit.
I am a reader. I haven't picked up a book in 3 weeks and apparently that really throws me off. I sit at lunch and just eat. I need a book to propel me out of the office and into the surrounding beauty of the creek or the gardens. Reading before bed relaxes me and signals that it is time to shut down. Shouting as quietly as possible and jumping up and did nothing for relaxation.
So I started putting the world away for short beats at a time. I take walks all by myself. It's weird. Like really weird. I kind of feel like a stalker/predator out there on the loose with no hands to hold or a stroller to push. It's good but still really weird. I can take our 2 mile walk in about 30 minutes flat or at least I think I looked at the clock correctly, maybe not. With the kids it's all, look there's a frog or a duck, let's feed the frog/duck, can I pick a flower, throw a stick, go pee pee in the woods? Yes, we have had to relieve a certain someone in the woods, sometimes being a boy makes all the difference : )!
I got a pedicure, a 2 hour pedicure and they surprised me with a "you get a design fo free today, we like seeing you come back." It was a nice surprise and the best pedicure eva!
We sent the boys up north for the weekend and even though I had big plans to really clean the house I ended up sitting down with my girl for most of the weekend and playing. She is fun and cute and really loves babies these days. Bestill my little mama heart from 1989, sometimes life is just too sweet to believe. We Ikea'd and dinnered and eventually put her down to bed to take in Hunger Games. Ack, so worth the long wait. LOVED it! We slept late and played hooky on Sunday to actually get some housework done. 9:30 baby girl alarm, yes please!
I have been slowly but surely working out again because 130 doesn't feel good or even come close to looking good on me. My mind tells me 130 is not to shabby but the mirror screams otherwise. A little tightening up is in order. It's always nice also when I don't have to do abs with an 18 month old riding me like a horse or do punches with that same 18 month old limbo-ing under my legs. It's just makes us both laugh and then my abs ache even more, no good, but still very funny.
It's been nice to actually want to go outside with the cooler weather. I had been getting really stir crazy by only being able to go outside if it involved water play. This crazy hot summer has been exactly that. I am a breezy 70's kind of gal and this change has brought new vibrancy into my bones.
We went to a park, a really huge, awesome park and ended up running bases, chasing eachother around like a bunch of kids. Is that not the best part of having littles around or what? You can act like a kid again! We even went on a quick nature walk through the woods and Daddy was all "don't touch that, it might be poison ivy" only to have our Springbrook trained 4 year old cite that poison ivy has 3
leaves. Yep, the funniest most random of times to remember that bit of field trip trivia. We walked up just past our block for a neighborhood meeting which included firetrucks, police cars, bulldozers and ice cream treats. You want us to join you at a neighborhood meeting...include the above and we are sold.
It birthed a new appreciation for our surroundings. No, maybe we don't want to live in this house much longer but CR has really awesome trails and parks and so many are within walking/biking distance. It connected our couple blocks of neighbors and the cute kids I was toting certainly enjoyed themselves.
It was calling in sick on Thursday because my boy was sick. He needed me and using my Mom as the only one better to care for him just didn't sit right with me this time. Yes, I had just taken two funeral leave days but I needed to be the one there for him and that was a huge step for me. I don't call in sick to work often so it felt a little traitor and a little "no, no" but I did it anyways and we sat on the couch all day long watching TV and snuggling until we both zonked out for naps.
I need a really good devotional and some serious Jesus time also. My parents and my private school education gave me a solid foundation of belief and knowledge but now I am all grown up (almost) and needing to find out with my own two feet my spiritual path and it involves a heck of alot more than teaching SS, bringing my son to our church school and attending church on Sundays.
I am making it my mission to totally check out for at least 15-20 minutes everyday. It won't be everyday but I am dreaming everyday right now.
I need to be able to take pictures without my inhibition scaring me into keeping the camera on the shelf. Somewhere along the way I lost myself in not appreciating the not so perfect pictures and not even pulling her out, using my phone instead. This is ridiculous. I am not a photog, I have no desire to be one. I bought old faithful for my own pleasures and taking natural, real life shots of my children is what I love the most. So a few pretty on point pictures later I have some confidence back and am reaching for the beast a little more often.
Everyday day check out, maybe not but putting a conscious, healthy effort in, fo sho!
When you lose yourself...you find the key to paradise. (Says Zac Brown)
Did the Olympics have you obsessed, couch driven and utterly drained from nearly no sleep like me? 4 years ago I was on maternity leave with a fresh newborn that didn't sleep all evening/night so the Olympics was a blast. I watched everything. This time around I get up at 3 a.m. after not going to bed until nearly 10:30 and then have to come down after the high that is Phelps winning the gold or the Fab Five taking it all. I can't help it. I LOVE the Olympics. The opening ceremonies were weird to say the least but I can't stop watching when the athletes come marching in. It's rather surreal to watch Afghanistan march in and to remember that they are human and not just terrorist monsters waiting and plotting to take out our Western civilization. It's refreshing to watch the flags and the smiles that sparkle from each person, so much pride in one huge stadium. By the second week I forward to wrapping them up about as much as I look forward to them every 4 years. It's caused a "stall" in my normalcy and routine. It's been alot of no sleep, not picking up a book, no down time, ice cream eating in the dark. Amazing how the best athletes in the world inspire you and at the same time transform you into the biggest couch potato, junk food fanatic, laziest person ever.
I finally broke down and just had to put the world away for a minute or 60. I needed to breathe, move, be on my own for more than a 2 minute bathroom break.
I am normally the one who looks past the mess and sees that our kids had fun. I am the one who is quick to point out that they are only 4 and 18 months once. I smile while I potty and have Alyssa handing me TP and Riley asking me where my weiner is. I can usually handle the chaos and chatter easily. This last week of the olympics I had done anything but. It came down to an utter lack of sleep and losing myself a bit.
I am a reader. I haven't picked up a book in 3 weeks and apparently that really throws me off. I sit at lunch and just eat. I need a book to propel me out of the office and into the surrounding beauty of the creek or the gardens. Reading before bed relaxes me and signals that it is time to shut down. Shouting as quietly as possible and jumping up and did nothing for relaxation.
So I started putting the world away for short beats at a time. I take walks all by myself. It's weird. Like really weird. I kind of feel like a stalker/predator out there on the loose with no hands to hold or a stroller to push. It's good but still really weird. I can take our 2 mile walk in about 30 minutes flat or at least I think I looked at the clock correctly, maybe not. With the kids it's all, look there's a frog or a duck, let's feed the frog/duck, can I pick a flower, throw a stick, go pee pee in the woods? Yes, we have had to relieve a certain someone in the woods, sometimes being a boy makes all the difference : )!
I got a pedicure, a 2 hour pedicure and they surprised me with a "you get a design fo free today, we like seeing you come back." It was a nice surprise and the best pedicure eva!
We sent the boys up north for the weekend and even though I had big plans to really clean the house I ended up sitting down with my girl for most of the weekend and playing. She is fun and cute and really loves babies these days. Bestill my little mama heart from 1989, sometimes life is just too sweet to believe. We Ikea'd and dinnered and eventually put her down to bed to take in Hunger Games. Ack, so worth the long wait. LOVED it! We slept late and played hooky on Sunday to actually get some housework done. 9:30 baby girl alarm, yes please!
I have been slowly but surely working out again because 130 doesn't feel good or even come close to looking good on me. My mind tells me 130 is not to shabby but the mirror screams otherwise. A little tightening up is in order. It's always nice also when I don't have to do abs with an 18 month old riding me like a horse or do punches with that same 18 month old limbo-ing under my legs. It's just makes us both laugh and then my abs ache even more, no good, but still very funny.
It's been nice to actually want to go outside with the cooler weather. I had been getting really stir crazy by only being able to go outside if it involved water play. This crazy hot summer has been exactly that. I am a breezy 70's kind of gal and this change has brought new vibrancy into my bones.
We went to a park, a really huge, awesome park and ended up running bases, chasing eachother around like a bunch of kids. Is that not the best part of having littles around or what? You can act like a kid again! We even went on a quick nature walk through the woods and Daddy was all "don't touch that, it might be poison ivy" only to have our Springbrook trained 4 year old cite that poison ivy has 3
leaves. Yep, the funniest most random of times to remember that bit of field trip trivia. We walked up just past our block for a neighborhood meeting which included firetrucks, police cars, bulldozers and ice cream treats. You want us to join you at a neighborhood meeting...include the above and we are sold.
It birthed a new appreciation for our surroundings. No, maybe we don't want to live in this house much longer but CR has really awesome trails and parks and so many are within walking/biking distance. It connected our couple blocks of neighbors and the cute kids I was toting certainly enjoyed themselves.
It was calling in sick on Thursday because my boy was sick. He needed me and using my Mom as the only one better to care for him just didn't sit right with me this time. Yes, I had just taken two funeral leave days but I needed to be the one there for him and that was a huge step for me. I don't call in sick to work often so it felt a little traitor and a little "no, no" but I did it anyways and we sat on the couch all day long watching TV and snuggling until we both zonked out for naps.
I need a really good devotional and some serious Jesus time also. My parents and my private school education gave me a solid foundation of belief and knowledge but now I am all grown up (almost) and needing to find out with my own two feet my spiritual path and it involves a heck of alot more than teaching SS, bringing my son to our church school and attending church on Sundays.
I am making it my mission to totally check out for at least 15-20 minutes everyday. It won't be everyday but I am dreaming everyday right now.
I need to be able to take pictures without my inhibition scaring me into keeping the camera on the shelf. Somewhere along the way I lost myself in not appreciating the not so perfect pictures and not even pulling her out, using my phone instead. This is ridiculous. I am not a photog, I have no desire to be one. I bought old faithful for my own pleasures and taking natural, real life shots of my children is what I love the most. So a few pretty on point pictures later I have some confidence back and am reaching for the beast a little more often.
Everyday day check out, maybe not but putting a conscious, healthy effort in, fo sho!
When you lose yourself...you find the key to paradise. (Says Zac Brown)
 |
| Um, yep, new favorite picture eva! |
 |
| She is such a pretty little petite thing! |
 |
| He's just the perfect contrast to my blondie! |
 |
| Sista striking her best magazine pose...good thing we added that bloomer! |
 |
| Sick couch |
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| I don't think they missed us too much? |
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