Did I ever tell you that Daddy was really worried about what would happen if we found out you were a girl?
I never doubted that you were a boy so I can honestly say that his fears were unfounded and indeed I would have loved any baby that came our way but I felt it in my bones...YOU were the boy I had always seen in my arms.
Did I ever tell you that going back to work 12 short weeks after having you was one of the most devastating events for me and that at work when I look at your pictures or think of the day you are leading without me I almost certainly get tears in my eyes and miss you with an ache so deep that I have to take a walk?
Did I ever tell you that I lay awake on Saturday mornings (recently :) and cannot wait to hear your diapered little bum come walking into our room?
I dreamed about you for 9 months, I rocked and read in your nursery while we awaited your arrival many nights, I painted your bedroom years before you were discussed all the while knowing that one day I would have a purpose for the 'blue' room.
You are my first little love and you can only understand a small part of my love for you. I can stare at you and just be happy watching you be my 'all boy.' I love to play ball with you in the house and even though I act concerned when you knock a picture off the wall with a grand slam style hit~ I am secretly proud of your natural athletic ability.
I am so proud of you and I know that your sister loves you already. She can hear you squeal with joy and belly laugh and I am pretty sure she is laughing in there and bouncing around happily as she usually has the hiccups after a particularly loud Riley encounter.
Your Daddy and I dote over you every night after you fall asleep. We cover you up and leave with smiles of contentment on our faces as we retreat to bed and whisper how perfect and wonderful you are. We are like teenagers in love when we talk about you at night in all your dreamy, sleepy perfection. You see even if you have been a bit naughty, once you fall asleep and your long eyelashes are still with slumber all is forgiven and the day is put to rest as we look forward to the next time we see your little figure looking up at us with trust and love.
Our family of 3 will soon be 4 and this new addition is something important that you get to be apart of this time.
You will get to dote on her and love her to no end.
You will get to protect her and keep her safe.
You will get to teach her how to throw a ball and hit like a pro.
You will get to take her fishing and build her safe forts to hide in.
You will get to tell her how you helped build her dresser and plan for her.
You will get to be her big brother.
You are special Riley and she will love you for all the same reasons we already do and together we will show her how much love we have to share and have already stored away for her.
You were my firstborn, our beginning and the start of something bigger and more beautiful then I could have imagined. I have cherished these last 2.5 years of special memories we have made. I promise to love you all the same and to make more memories with you.
You are my very special boy and nothing will ever change how I feel about you.
I love you with all the fibers of my being and just carrying your sister around for the last 9 months has made me remember and reflect on how special of a beginning you were.
Love, kisses and bear hugs,
Your Mama Mia
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