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| Show and Tell...this boy loves him some nature books! |
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
A day in the life
I have been meaning to get around to these photos for awhile and finally did. This was one sick day I could get used to. If there is any regret in my life it is that I was meant to be a pre-k teacher. Spending the morning with these 3 year old was pure bliss. The excitement, concentration, hugs and happiness that flowed easily around the room was infectious. Riley was pretty proud that I was one of the helpers for the day and I was pretty proud to be taking it all in at a different vantage point 25 years later. We are so lucky to have Mt. Olive Christian Preschool still be up and running 30 years later and these are some of the best teachers and aide's you will ever have the privilege of leaving your children with.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Monotony madness
Stream of consciousness, vulnerability style.
Now that the Christmas season is behind us I am in a funk. The mundane everyday life has brought with it a funk. A funk that says "here we go again." Wake up, go to work, get home, pick up kids, play in the living room, search for dinner, pj's and baths, brushing/flossing, books, bottles and finally bedtime for all and then we start over and do it all over again. It's counting down the days til the weekend only to realize that there really is nothing relaxing about the weekend anymore. It is recognizing that the only time that I make an effort to do something for myself is usually when I chose to go to bed right after Riley and then the realization follows that going to bed early means nothing gets done. It is getting so consumed with routine that you lose the spontaneity to smile about the hiccups and go with the flow.
It's dreading the same monotony and feeling like a failure that has me fading into the background and not caring about a messy house or the fact that the laundry is still in the basket patiently waiting 2 weeks later to be ironed. It's taking off the sheets to be washed and then wanting to sleep on the couch just to avoid putting them back on. Whatever the "it" is, it is sucking out my energy and taking with it the happiness that has always been found in the mundane. "It" needs to change.
The cold seems to be back and our little escapes outside to take walks and play at the park are over so I need to find a way to bring the JOY back even if we are stuck inside. I need to find a way to bring organization back so I feel less like a lazy failure of a Mother and more like one that has it almost (ha!) all figured out.
We dropped my sister off at the bar on Friday and I was struck by how happy I was that those days for me were over. I was so happy to be going home with my little one's, to snuggle up and read bedtime books before turning off the lights with "i love you's and sleep tights."
The next night I was struck with how badly I wanted to go to the bar and sit on a stool, watching the big games on the screens and being drowned out by the roars of the cheering and jeering. I just wanted to take off and go. I didn't want to call for a sitter, set out pj's, write up notes for bedtime routines or worry about being awoken by crib kicks and the crinkling of a pull-up walking in to say goodmorning. Then the guilt of that fantasy took over and I was feeling just miserable. What kind of a Mom wishes she had no responsibility because there is a football game she wants to watch?
I think it's a combination of my strong desire as of late to be home full-time with the kids, failing to get all those Christmas activities I had planned crossed off the list and just being worn down and inactive from over-eating for weeks and not being happy with my weight. We Mother's can always find failure in ourselves so easily and the guilt nearly knocks me out as it stares me down.
Enough is enough. I will not let the monotony bring me down any longer. It is time to get active, get involved, get organized. It is time to stop delaying and just do it. I am going to make it a point to wake up and thank God for something new everyday. I am going to make it a point to brighten someone's day everyday. I am going to make it a point to do something special everyday. There is adventure and excitement to be found, I am just going to have to start opening my eyes to the beauty of it.
So even though I am right where I want/need to be there needs to be a balance between the mundane and the exciting. There needs to be structure and flexibility. There needs to be give and take and then more give and take to cover. I am going to throw away the guilt (at least for a few hours) and just trust in my abilities to mother.
My short term goal is going to have to be to take one day at a time. To re-learn being content. To forgive myself and understand that I am probably not alone in this. Today I take back control of myself and the best way I know how to start that is by cleaning, top to bottom. Pulling out furniture to dust the trim and vacuum where is used to sit. To clean up the cobwebs literally and figuratively. Today the Theisen's retake the day.
Good-bye guilt, hello grace.
Good-bye monotony, hello mercy.
Now that the Christmas season is behind us I am in a funk. The mundane everyday life has brought with it a funk. A funk that says "here we go again." Wake up, go to work, get home, pick up kids, play in the living room, search for dinner, pj's and baths, brushing/flossing, books, bottles and finally bedtime for all and then we start over and do it all over again. It's counting down the days til the weekend only to realize that there really is nothing relaxing about the weekend anymore. It is recognizing that the only time that I make an effort to do something for myself is usually when I chose to go to bed right after Riley and then the realization follows that going to bed early means nothing gets done. It is getting so consumed with routine that you lose the spontaneity to smile about the hiccups and go with the flow.
It's dreading the same monotony and feeling like a failure that has me fading into the background and not caring about a messy house or the fact that the laundry is still in the basket patiently waiting 2 weeks later to be ironed. It's taking off the sheets to be washed and then wanting to sleep on the couch just to avoid putting them back on. Whatever the "it" is, it is sucking out my energy and taking with it the happiness that has always been found in the mundane. "It" needs to change.
The cold seems to be back and our little escapes outside to take walks and play at the park are over so I need to find a way to bring the JOY back even if we are stuck inside. I need to find a way to bring organization back so I feel less like a lazy failure of a Mother and more like one that has it almost (ha!) all figured out.
We dropped my sister off at the bar on Friday and I was struck by how happy I was that those days for me were over. I was so happy to be going home with my little one's, to snuggle up and read bedtime books before turning off the lights with "i love you's and sleep tights."
The next night I was struck with how badly I wanted to go to the bar and sit on a stool, watching the big games on the screens and being drowned out by the roars of the cheering and jeering. I just wanted to take off and go. I didn't want to call for a sitter, set out pj's, write up notes for bedtime routines or worry about being awoken by crib kicks and the crinkling of a pull-up walking in to say goodmorning. Then the guilt of that fantasy took over and I was feeling just miserable. What kind of a Mom wishes she had no responsibility because there is a football game she wants to watch?
I think it's a combination of my strong desire as of late to be home full-time with the kids, failing to get all those Christmas activities I had planned crossed off the list and just being worn down and inactive from over-eating for weeks and not being happy with my weight. We Mother's can always find failure in ourselves so easily and the guilt nearly knocks me out as it stares me down.
Enough is enough. I will not let the monotony bring me down any longer. It is time to get active, get involved, get organized. It is time to stop delaying and just do it. I am going to make it a point to wake up and thank God for something new everyday. I am going to make it a point to brighten someone's day everyday. I am going to make it a point to do something special everyday. There is adventure and excitement to be found, I am just going to have to start opening my eyes to the beauty of it.
So even though I am right where I want/need to be there needs to be a balance between the mundane and the exciting. There needs to be structure and flexibility. There needs to be give and take and then more give and take to cover. I am going to throw away the guilt (at least for a few hours) and just trust in my abilities to mother.
My short term goal is going to have to be to take one day at a time. To re-learn being content. To forgive myself and understand that I am probably not alone in this. Today I take back control of myself and the best way I know how to start that is by cleaning, top to bottom. Pulling out furniture to dust the trim and vacuum where is used to sit. To clean up the cobwebs literally and figuratively. Today the Theisen's retake the day.
Good-bye guilt, hello grace.
Good-bye monotony, hello mercy.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Alyssa Marie: 11 months
She's pretty stoked to be out in January watching her brother swing and we are pretty stoked that she is 11 months old, happy, healthy and cute as ever.
She too is reflecting on what the last year has meant for us. All day I have been on the verge of tears. Mark Harris said it best in "Find your wings." "It's only for a moment you are mine to hold, the plans that heaven has for you will all too soon unfold...I'll have tears as you take off, but I'll cheer as you fly."
Seriously not the best day to flip this CD on in the early a.m. hours. I cry because I love her. I cry because she makes me so proud. I cry because she is mine and memory lane is at the forefront of every date on the calendar lately and I just love memory lane.
Her blue eyes are still shining.
She is sleeping from 7:15 to 7:15 consistently still.
She is eating 3 bottles a day at 6 ozs and loving every solid we put in front of her.
She has even snuck brubbers milk and loves it so we are envisioning an easy change-up come Feb.
She has started standing up on everything and is so excited that she can carefully sit down from the standing position. She claps her hands and smiles big like willing everyone to join in!
She loves to crawl around and her favorite spots are the toilet and the dog's water bowl. Lovely, eh?!
She has 4 teeth now, see above and picture her top 2 fangs also! They always say that your second baby grows up and learns everything so fast because of the example from your first and she has taught us that she is on her own pace, not rushing into anything and enjoying her own babyhood. We hear you girlfriend and we love you all the more for your patience!
She is absolutely breaktakingly beautiful and this picture just chokes me up all over again. She is post afternoon nap and just content. Her morning 1.5 hour nap and her afternoon (at the same time as Riley...BINGO) 1.5 hour+ nap help with her content-ness alot!
She loves to love her lovies just as much as her brubber does and stuffed animals get her everytime.
She is wearing 9 month old clothes and we have started pulling out the 12 month old garb also.
She is learning how to walk and rocking it behind her babywalker and it is amazing. She looks way too little to be putting one foot in front of the other. She gets us all up on our toes clapping and cheering for her. Riley loves her and is always hugging her and telling her so. He wants her to follow him so they can "play" and when she walks or crawls he cheers and squeals the loudest, just don't touch his fishing stuff sister! He is so proud.
Happy 11 months to our beautiful baby girl! 4 more weeks and we have a birthday to celebrate, insane, emotional and all very exciting!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
New year different challenges
I love the fresh feel of a new year. Brand new calendars with dates just waiting to be filled up with fun and life. Goals and dreams just waiting to be fulfilled. It's inspiring and a bit been-there-done-that all at the same time.
This year, 2012 brings with it the fact that we are going to have a one-year-old in less than 5 weeks. And while that excites me it also brings me close to tears. Tears over how fast this year has gone, tears over memories of sitting with D on the couch watching the Superbowl and remembering that it was our due date for baby girl and that she was happy bouncing around on the inside, tears at the memories of the day she did come and how intimately I felt bonded to her. It is going to be emotional to welcome in and fun because it involves cake and presents and cute shirts that declare "Birthday Girl".
2012 will bring new challenges in regards to our 3-year-old because 3 is proving way harder than any other age we have encountered. Riley is full of independence, drive, motivation and excitement which is so incredible to watch but his will power is not matching up with his emotions and they collide head-on many times causing meltdowns of epic proportions. He needs stability and support and we are learning right along with him what limits should be and how we find that middle ground. He is my deeply emotional child and he feels things like I do, strong and hard. He wants to please and realizes sometimes to late that what he thought was funny or helpful just wasn't. He is trying to keep up and gets sorely disappointed when he just can't do something. He has a good heart and a strong spirit and at the end of the day that is what matters most to me.
2012 finds me about 8-10lbs over where I would like to be. D maybe 10-15 although if you asked me I would say 20-25 : ) How do we find that middle ground between working out for peace of mind and release when we already have such precious limited time with our children? It is important, it is healthy and yet it can be so hard to find the time.
It is new, it is fresh and it IS exciting. What is most exciting to me is just watching everything unfold. Not having a set goal or plan but instead just waiting and enjoying. Taking PTO days just because and basking in the glory that is a clean house with laundered and ironed clothes hanging up crisply in the closet. Cleaning out drawers to make way for the next size, drawers being clean and organized always makes me giddy, but I digress. Using my hands more this year and making things (easy things) like a framed barrette holder and fabric banner for Riley's room. Getting back into scrapbooking because the pictures continue to pile up. Getting in more pictures with my kids because when I am said and gone all the cute leaf bokeh and summery backdrops will mean not nearly as much as if Mama is in the shot even if it is out of focus and my legs are cut off.
Goals, resolutions, plans, those are not really the words I am looking for to explain my desires of this new year. Hopes and dreams may fit better but those haven't changed just because the calendar did. No doubt this year will be busy. No doubt this year will be rewarding and no doubt that I won't have days that I throw up my hands to surrender but this is the year my baby turns 1 and my big boy turns 4 and I turn 30...ack! It's going to be great and I wouldn't trade off with anyone! It is what we make it and that gives me hope and peace and an immense sense of excitement.
Happy 2012!
This year, 2012 brings with it the fact that we are going to have a one-year-old in less than 5 weeks. And while that excites me it also brings me close to tears. Tears over how fast this year has gone, tears over memories of sitting with D on the couch watching the Superbowl and remembering that it was our due date for baby girl and that she was happy bouncing around on the inside, tears at the memories of the day she did come and how intimately I felt bonded to her. It is going to be emotional to welcome in and fun because it involves cake and presents and cute shirts that declare "Birthday Girl".
2012 will bring new challenges in regards to our 3-year-old because 3 is proving way harder than any other age we have encountered. Riley is full of independence, drive, motivation and excitement which is so incredible to watch but his will power is not matching up with his emotions and they collide head-on many times causing meltdowns of epic proportions. He needs stability and support and we are learning right along with him what limits should be and how we find that middle ground. He is my deeply emotional child and he feels things like I do, strong and hard. He wants to please and realizes sometimes to late that what he thought was funny or helpful just wasn't. He is trying to keep up and gets sorely disappointed when he just can't do something. He has a good heart and a strong spirit and at the end of the day that is what matters most to me.
2012 finds me about 8-10lbs over where I would like to be. D maybe 10-15 although if you asked me I would say 20-25 : ) How do we find that middle ground between working out for peace of mind and release when we already have such precious limited time with our children? It is important, it is healthy and yet it can be so hard to find the time.
It is new, it is fresh and it IS exciting. What is most exciting to me is just watching everything unfold. Not having a set goal or plan but instead just waiting and enjoying. Taking PTO days just because and basking in the glory that is a clean house with laundered and ironed clothes hanging up crisply in the closet. Cleaning out drawers to make way for the next size, drawers being clean and organized always makes me giddy, but I digress. Using my hands more this year and making things (easy things) like a framed barrette holder and fabric banner for Riley's room. Getting back into scrapbooking because the pictures continue to pile up. Getting in more pictures with my kids because when I am said and gone all the cute leaf bokeh and summery backdrops will mean not nearly as much as if Mama is in the shot even if it is out of focus and my legs are cut off.
Goals, resolutions, plans, those are not really the words I am looking for to explain my desires of this new year. Hopes and dreams may fit better but those haven't changed just because the calendar did. No doubt this year will be busy. No doubt this year will be rewarding and no doubt that I won't have days that I throw up my hands to surrender but this is the year my baby turns 1 and my big boy turns 4 and I turn 30...ack! It's going to be great and I wouldn't trade off with anyone! It is what we make it and that gives me hope and peace and an immense sense of excitement.
Happy 2012!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
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