1. Tears.
Lots of huge crocodile tears. Riley is on such an emotional rollercoaster right now that the littlest things will turn him into a teary mess. Poor boy hasn't cried so much since...well he has just never cried this much. I think he feels like his whole world is upside down and the only way to make it better is to cry and try and figure out his new existence.
2. Time outs.
Riley has spent more time in the time out zone then he ever has before. The boy is lashing out for attention by throwing his milk cup at me or whipping a pacifier across the room or by just not listening. I have never seen him act like this and he just will not stop doing something if we ask him to so he ends up spending more time in the corner of the hallway then he probably does not spending time in the hallway. He actually threw a cookie on the floor in the middle of what I thought was a perfectly nice dinner so he went right to time out and then started crying there. When I came to him and wanted to talk it out he just wrapped his little arms around my neck and cried "miss you mommy, me miss much." Just broke my heart. How can we help him!? My sweet son is on vacation most of the time and we cannot wait for him to show back up again.
3. Trances.
We call his silent treatment towards us trance time. He will literally clam up and stare off to one side of you and not utter a word for an amazing amount of time. This usually results in a time out because we don't know what else to do with him. On discharge day at the hospital he wanted our attention but D was busy with Alyssa and I was talking to the nurse and when we finally turned around he was gone. He had gone in the bathroom and was sitting in the empty tub all by himself. He wouldn't talk to us and he wanted no hugs. We don't know what to do with him. Is it better to acknowledge his silence and let him ride it out or send him for some quiet time until he is willing to talk about it? The silent treatment is an absolute button pusher for me. I just have zero patience for it and cannot wait to ask his Dr tomorrow what the best way to handle it might be at Alyssa's appt.
It is heartbreaking to watch him struggle and not resemble the real Riley at all. Derrick took him out to Target over the weekend and he seemed revived when he got back after spending some alone time with his Daddy so I took him to Target last night to pick out a special gift and we spent over an hour walking up and down every aisle. We held hands while he insisted we go down the vitamin aisle, the feminine aisle, the produce aisle, the endless grocery aisles and I kid you not we walked down every aisle. I wonder if he knew that by walking every aisle he was getting to spend more time with Mommy? We did pick out him some fun stuff like big boy underwear with footballs on them because this boy is rocking the potty training stuff. In the middle of playing on Sunday we found him running down the hallway and he was already taking off his pants and unders to pee before D could get to him. He is doing awesome at it and seems very proud that Alyssa needs diapers but he doesn't so we go way over the top with praise and joy over every drop of pee pee and every little turd that finds its way into the toilet. He also got a playdough puppy set that we played with for over an hour today. To find anything other than fishing and hunting gear that keeps his attention is nothing short of a miracle so that was exciting!
I have noticed everyday him getting better and better though. He was super excited when Alyssa woke up this morning and he helped me change her diaper and then he even helped me give her a quick sink bath. We are going to make cookies this afternoon and I am really looking forward to him spending some alone time with his G'ma and G'pa this weekend. I think the huge change in routine is wearing on him also because yesterday after G'ma Hutch left he awoke from his nap asking for her and begging me to take him to her. It was really sweet.
The good news is that Derrick is his rock right now. He is lucky to have such a hands on and wonderful Daddy that is so very patient and loving with him even when it's nearly impossible to do so. I am so happy to see those 2 together and have a little bit of jealousy as he used to love me so much and doesn't seem to anymore. I still get my bedtime hug and kiss though as we say prayers and 50% of the time he asks me to lay with him like he used too but it's pretty hit or miss. I always scratch his little back and we whisper to each other before we shut the door on the day but lately he doesn't want any of it and he asks me to leave.
This is certainly a work in progress and I would welcome any suggestions from anyone regarding the huge transition this is for a child. Also say a prayer for our patience and understanding since as the day wears on we have less and less of it.
Hopefully our fun loving, smiley Riley will be back shortly!!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The day we met her
started off ordinary and it ended in absolute perfection.
I called the Dr to schedule my 41 week appointment and U/S and casually mentioned that we were wondering about the inducement that fell through from Monday. She said she would get back to me in 10 minutes after she talked with the on call provider. Nearly 3 hours later she called to say check in at 3:00 to have a baby. We all went into overdrive. Riley needed lunch and a nap, D needed lunch, I needed a shower, lunch and to get finished up packing and so on. D dropped Riley off with G'pa Hutch shortly after lunch and I had 20 minutes to myself to talk to my daughter and tell her how very excited and nervous I was to meet her. Derrick came home bubbling over with excitement and I tried to play it cool as I was expecting to be passed over again but at 2:00 we left the house and headed to the hospital and at that point it became real...we were actually going to meet our little baby.
We checked into a nearly empty L & D floor and met our nurse Gidgette (she was so nice and we had a ton of fun with her) and after getting an IV and some fluids hung met the midwife on call shortly before 4. She finally broke my water a little after 4 and I pretty much baptized the whole room. From there on out we walked the hallways until D went down for dinner around 5:00 and I was so excited that I started feeling strong contractions after he left. He came back and I was walking with my IV pole and reading my book-this elicited very curious looks from other patients and I wanted to show them my ring finger and tell them my husband was eating a quick meal but I refrained and kept to our long empty hallway instead of walking the whole circle. Shortly after D came back from eating my contractions were strong enough so that I couldn't talk anymore during one and they were coming every 2-4 minutes. I was giddy. We kept walking until 7:00 when Gidgette checked me and I was only dilated to 6 cm. Pretty disappointed to only be a 6 I decided after the expert advice from Gidgette to get my epidural. I sat on the edge of the bed and we waited while I painfully contracted every 2 minutes for an hour until the anesthesiologist finally arrived at 8:00. My epidural was in easily by 8:30 and by 9:30 I was fully dilated at 10 cm and shocked at how fast it all went. Thank goodness Gidgette advised us to get the epidural and give up walking because we would have missed the chance at how fast I went from a 6 to a 10!!! Plus the added pressure from sitting straight up and contracting like that probably helped me dilate so fast. Since I had just got the epidural and was feeling no pain we decided to start pushing at 10:15 when hopefully I would feel a little something indicating it was time to push. Of course I didn't feel anything even at 10:15 and we decided to just watch the monitor and push anyways when a contraction came on the screen. I also chose to have a mirror in the room so I could see how I was pushing and that made all the difference. As soon as they looked at my progress at 10:15 and saw her head just waiting to be prompted out everyone gloved and gowned up and after 3 contractions of pushing hard I watched her tiny little body slide effortlessly out and I cried like a baby. It was 10:34 p.m. and she weighed in at 7 lbs 5.5 ozs. It was perfection. Pure and utter euphoria that after just 6.5 hours of hard work she was here and being watched over by her Daddy as she was weighed and checked out. He talked to her and told her how much she was loved and how long we had waited for her. I cried as I watched them interact. I cried at how much love was in that room. I cried at how much I wanted her and how connected I felt to her. I didn't stop crying for 45 minutes. We rocked the delivery room again and it was the 2nd time I felt so completely rewarded and insanely humbled at the same time. She was here and she was perfect. We just stared at her and finally decided that she looked our little Alyssa Marie. She didn't have the hair that I thought she would but she was absolutely beautiful.
My parents were there shortly after delivery and were able to meet her and say goodnight before they headed back to bed and we were transferred to a new room at 2:30. D went home for some zzz's at 3:15 and our fresh little babe and I spent the entire night falling madly in love. I held her tight and cried to her all of my hopes and dreams for her. I told her she was precious and that I would always be there for her. It was the quickest night of my life and I enjoyed every second of it.
I welcomed the contractions like an old friend.
I enjoyed the epidural like nobody's business.
I pushed like a seasoned veteran with determination.
and now we love like it's going out of style.
We enjoyed a lazy day just the 3 of us on Thursday until Katie, Kyle, G'ma Hutch and the proud big brother showed up to meet her. D and Riley took off for the evening and us girls enjoyed a quick visit from my Auntie and Uncle and then the night was ours again. I whispered to her that we better enjoy this alone time because we were getting discharged the next day and we did. We cuddled, bonded, cried together and awoke the next day full of joy and excitement that this was going to be our everyday from here on out.
We got discharged on Friday and came home to hole up as a family of 4 and just enjoy each other. We did just that and have been doing that since.
This time around I feel fiercely protective of her and hate to give her up only to be held by someone else so be patient with me as I practice sharing myself and learn right along with my 2 year old how hard that lesson is sometimes.
Thanks for all the well wishes. We couldn't have asked for an easier delivery and we are so lucky and blessed to be parents again. Challenges will certainly ensue and patience will be hard to come by at times but there is NO place else in this world I would rather be then at home with my husband, son and daughter.
I called the Dr to schedule my 41 week appointment and U/S and casually mentioned that we were wondering about the inducement that fell through from Monday. She said she would get back to me in 10 minutes after she talked with the on call provider. Nearly 3 hours later she called to say check in at 3:00 to have a baby. We all went into overdrive. Riley needed lunch and a nap, D needed lunch, I needed a shower, lunch and to get finished up packing and so on. D dropped Riley off with G'pa Hutch shortly after lunch and I had 20 minutes to myself to talk to my daughter and tell her how very excited and nervous I was to meet her. Derrick came home bubbling over with excitement and I tried to play it cool as I was expecting to be passed over again but at 2:00 we left the house and headed to the hospital and at that point it became real...we were actually going to meet our little baby.
We checked into a nearly empty L & D floor and met our nurse Gidgette (she was so nice and we had a ton of fun with her) and after getting an IV and some fluids hung met the midwife on call shortly before 4. She finally broke my water a little after 4 and I pretty much baptized the whole room. From there on out we walked the hallways until D went down for dinner around 5:00 and I was so excited that I started feeling strong contractions after he left. He came back and I was walking with my IV pole and reading my book-this elicited very curious looks from other patients and I wanted to show them my ring finger and tell them my husband was eating a quick meal but I refrained and kept to our long empty hallway instead of walking the whole circle. Shortly after D came back from eating my contractions were strong enough so that I couldn't talk anymore during one and they were coming every 2-4 minutes. I was giddy. We kept walking until 7:00 when Gidgette checked me and I was only dilated to 6 cm. Pretty disappointed to only be a 6 I decided after the expert advice from Gidgette to get my epidural. I sat on the edge of the bed and we waited while I painfully contracted every 2 minutes for an hour until the anesthesiologist finally arrived at 8:00. My epidural was in easily by 8:30 and by 9:30 I was fully dilated at 10 cm and shocked at how fast it all went. Thank goodness Gidgette advised us to get the epidural and give up walking because we would have missed the chance at how fast I went from a 6 to a 10!!! Plus the added pressure from sitting straight up and contracting like that probably helped me dilate so fast. Since I had just got the epidural and was feeling no pain we decided to start pushing at 10:15 when hopefully I would feel a little something indicating it was time to push. Of course I didn't feel anything even at 10:15 and we decided to just watch the monitor and push anyways when a contraction came on the screen. I also chose to have a mirror in the room so I could see how I was pushing and that made all the difference. As soon as they looked at my progress at 10:15 and saw her head just waiting to be prompted out everyone gloved and gowned up and after 3 contractions of pushing hard I watched her tiny little body slide effortlessly out and I cried like a baby. It was 10:34 p.m. and she weighed in at 7 lbs 5.5 ozs. It was perfection. Pure and utter euphoria that after just 6.5 hours of hard work she was here and being watched over by her Daddy as she was weighed and checked out. He talked to her and told her how much she was loved and how long we had waited for her. I cried as I watched them interact. I cried at how much love was in that room. I cried at how much I wanted her and how connected I felt to her. I didn't stop crying for 45 minutes. We rocked the delivery room again and it was the 2nd time I felt so completely rewarded and insanely humbled at the same time. She was here and she was perfect. We just stared at her and finally decided that she looked our little Alyssa Marie. She didn't have the hair that I thought she would but she was absolutely beautiful.
My parents were there shortly after delivery and were able to meet her and say goodnight before they headed back to bed and we were transferred to a new room at 2:30. D went home for some zzz's at 3:15 and our fresh little babe and I spent the entire night falling madly in love. I held her tight and cried to her all of my hopes and dreams for her. I told her she was precious and that I would always be there for her. It was the quickest night of my life and I enjoyed every second of it.
I welcomed the contractions like an old friend.
I enjoyed the epidural like nobody's business.
I pushed like a seasoned veteran with determination.
and now we love like it's going out of style.
We enjoyed a lazy day just the 3 of us on Thursday until Katie, Kyle, G'ma Hutch and the proud big brother showed up to meet her. D and Riley took off for the evening and us girls enjoyed a quick visit from my Auntie and Uncle and then the night was ours again. I whispered to her that we better enjoy this alone time because we were getting discharged the next day and we did. We cuddled, bonded, cried together and awoke the next day full of joy and excitement that this was going to be our everyday from here on out.
We got discharged on Friday and came home to hole up as a family of 4 and just enjoy each other. We did just that and have been doing that since.
This time around I feel fiercely protective of her and hate to give her up only to be held by someone else so be patient with me as I practice sharing myself and learn right along with my 2 year old how hard that lesson is sometimes.
Thanks for all the well wishes. We couldn't have asked for an easier delivery and we are so lucky and blessed to be parents again. Challenges will certainly ensue and patience will be hard to come by at times but there is NO place else in this world I would rather be then at home with my husband, son and daughter.
many more pics to come as soon as we find the cord for the point and shoot!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Waiting on you...
my little girl it has been a long journey and right now it feels like I have been carrying you around for years. The first thing your brother said to me this morning in the dark as I walked into his room was "Mommy, baby still in you?" The first thing your Daddy said to me this morning was "I can't wait any longer."
Now if the boys feel this strongly about meeting you can you try to imagine how I feel?
I have been up the last few nights feeling you move around, negotiating with you to wait until daybreak to come and pleading with you to give me enough time to get an epidural! You have been a surprise every step of the way from when we thought we lost you at 13 weeks to when we found out you were a girl at 20 weeks to when we saw you in 3D at 25 weeks and just about died at how you were a spitting image of your brother to most recently finding out you were breach and needing to be turned around and then finally surpassing the 40 week mark and still waiting somewhat impatiently to meet you. You are our very stubborn little thing and we absolutely cannot wait any longer to meet you.
Finally at 3:00 today we are getting admitted to have my water broken and I won't believe it's really happening until I have an IV in my hand and I am hanging onto to your Daddy's arm while we walk round and round the hospital floor getting closer to seeing you.
I can't wait to have your tiny fingers wrapped around mine.
I can't wait to see if you have hair.
I can't wait to hear you cry out for us.
I can't wait to see you meet your Daddy.
I can't wait to see you meet your Brother.
I can't wait to hug you and tell you how much I have loved you for the last nearly 2 years and how much you have been anticipated and wished for.
I am so in love with you and can't imagine how much more in love with you I will fall when you are finally placed in my arms.
I will enjoy these last few hours with you alone like you wouldn't believe until I finally get to share you with everyone else.
Can't wait...cause you're our little girl!
Love from your Mommy
Now if the boys feel this strongly about meeting you can you try to imagine how I feel?
I have been up the last few nights feeling you move around, negotiating with you to wait until daybreak to come and pleading with you to give me enough time to get an epidural! You have been a surprise every step of the way from when we thought we lost you at 13 weeks to when we found out you were a girl at 20 weeks to when we saw you in 3D at 25 weeks and just about died at how you were a spitting image of your brother to most recently finding out you were breach and needing to be turned around and then finally surpassing the 40 week mark and still waiting somewhat impatiently to meet you. You are our very stubborn little thing and we absolutely cannot wait any longer to meet you.
Finally at 3:00 today we are getting admitted to have my water broken and I won't believe it's really happening until I have an IV in my hand and I am hanging onto to your Daddy's arm while we walk round and round the hospital floor getting closer to seeing you.
I can't wait to have your tiny fingers wrapped around mine.
I can't wait to see if you have hair.
I can't wait to hear you cry out for us.
I can't wait to see you meet your Daddy.
I can't wait to see you meet your Brother.
I can't wait to hug you and tell you how much I have loved you for the last nearly 2 years and how much you have been anticipated and wished for.
I am so in love with you and can't imagine how much more in love with you I will fall when you are finally placed in my arms.
I will enjoy these last few hours with you alone like you wouldn't believe until I finally get to share you with everyone else.
Can't wait...cause you're our little girl!
Love from your Mommy
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