My first week back to work was exhausting. Friends and family helped fill in the gaps with dinners for 3 more nights and extended nana care so I could take 3 hour naps. It really, really humbled me.
No one looked forward more to Mothers day weekend then our boy. He had been counting down the days from 6 to 1 until he was finally able to proclaim "today's the day!". Seriously, he is ready to retire and live up north. It's hard not to imagine his future and see professional fisherman somewhere in there. This boy was born with up north blood in his body. It is seared into his bones and he breathes it deeply. He is exactly what I envisioned when I started dreaming about my own babies all those years ago.
It's funny that I still don't know what I want to "do" with my life. I enjoy my job and some days I feel very passionate about it and some days it just feels like a job. I work with great people who I truly missed while I was out for a week but one thing remains the same, I knew from a very early age that all I really needed was a family.
That is enough for me.
I have a husband who is so good for me, to me, that I wonder how I even deserve him.
I have now two children who are complete opposites from their appearance to their personalities and I still have to pinch myself---they are mine. I have loved them for my whole life. I have dreamed about them and pictured myself mothering them for my whole life. I was born to be their Mother and that is all I am certain about when I think about what I want to "do" with life.
Alyssa was unusually cranky during our girls only weekend. We never hear her cry and she is not at all a whiner but of course when I had planned out shopping, ice cream and brunch sister gets cranky. I am not sure if it was her teeth coming through or the fact that she missed the boys but she was not herself.
I woke up Sunday morning and put our girl in bed with me. We watching Bubble guppies together and she ate breakfast in bed. I drove her over to my parents so I could teach my last day of Sunday school and she could nap before brunch. I was struck at how ironic it was to be driving and walking into church alone. No kids with me on Mother's Day?! I don't know about you but I get jittery when I don't have a child with me like I forgot something. I forced myself to relax and enjoy the service and when Kyle finally showed up Lyssi Lu at brunch it was like there was air in the room again. She happily followed me walking up and down the brunch line putting on a show of smiles and little poses. Still irritable but nothing endless food wouldn't fix, sister was happy or at least she appeared happy. Her real happiness came when the boys walked in the door. She squealed out so loudly when she saw Riley. He was so proud to tell her all about his fun weekend and she was happy to just listen and scream out some joy once in awhile. Sister is all about family.
My sweet baby girl is not so much a baby anymore but we had been still feeding her a bedtime bottle in her room before we laid her down for the night. It was special and honestly neither one of us were ready to throw out the bottles. It was the one piece of her babyhood we were holding onto. I finally broke down and realized that it was time to start a new bedtime routine for her. Our girl resisted for a week and stayed up on the couch long past 9 in defiance of the new routine. How we held our ground I do not know but she is on board now with the new plan. Toons, bedtime snack, we all squeeze into our bathroom for teeth brushing, Daddy gets Riley, Mommy gets Lyssi Lu, we snuggle on Riley's bed for a book and then we shut off the lights and tuck each of our children in. It's a good new. She is growing up and we are so enamored with her and everything she does. The children are starting to play together intentionally and it's so heartwarming to see their connection. They sit on the floor and zoom cars back and forth or Riley turns pages on a book and Lyssi points out and "arfs" at every dog she sees. He congratulates her when she learns a new skill and she claps her hands so proud and then chases him to say she loves him. They sit on the floor together and snuggle up to Deuce petting him and hugging him as they seem to sense his time is near also. During bath time she tries to wash him up with a washcloth and he teaches her to squirt water out of her mouth. The mommy heart in my chest has been so close to exploding it's a wonder it still beats by the end of the day. It's not always fluffy and soft but it's more about choosing to acknowledge the good and pure rather than to listen to the loud and rough. Make no mistake about it, our house is loud. Riley openly admits that he doesn't have an inside voice and Alyssa just tries to match him. It's actually quite comical but I completely understand how for others it would be the best form of birth control.
Riley came home from his opener weekend with a "ittle baby turtall" so we headed out to the library for more info on him. We just toddled around the library following the librarian around in search of the amphibian owners manual. I turned around and saw my children holding hands following just behind us. I almost screamed out "look at these cuties, they are holding hands, they love each other, they are mine, are you seeing this." I held back, we found the book, checked it out and walked out, this time I got in on the hand holding. It took about 10 minutes to get to the car but I was in heaven. People walking by were smiling and oogling over the cuteness and I must have looked a fool with a huge smile on face completely unaware that there was life around and outside of that moment. We are still trying to get him to say that it would be best for the "ittle turtall" to live in the swamp by nana's and papa's but until then we have invested a few bucks in an aquarium, food and fish friends for him.
Now I am looking into a weekend off. No husband, no children for a night or two. It's nice and totally quiet. I think my husband loves me! I do have to work tomorrow but even that sounds nice. An office totally to myself, turning up the tunes and pounding out some backlogged workflow so that come Monday morn, I know exactly what I am walking into.
My Mommy heart is content. It is happy and recharging and already ready to squeeze those two but until then it's continued to beat and get lots of rest already. 4 hour nap after work, oh yea! Party animal, I know it's a problem.
To my Mom,
I love you. I realize everything you have done for me and continue to do for me. It's means the world to me and even though I don't always acknowledge it and sometimes just expect it, I understand now. You are the most selfless person I know and we all benefit from your example and heart. I love getting to see you almost everyday. Thank you for watching our kids, thank you for loving them like crazy and for not losing your mind in the chaos.
To my Mother-in-law,
You have completely stolen my son's heart. He is quite enamored with his up north nana and I am pretty sure if you offered he would move in with you in a heartbeat. You have raised up a good son, a perfect son for me and I see your legacy of love instilled in him everyday.
To my Mom friends,
You put me to shame. I am in awe of you. You rock the party that rocks the party.
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