I have never lost a child but I know how it feels to want a child so bad that my arms ached to hold one. I know and understand the utter despair you feel after yet another negative pregnancy test. I remember all to well the weeks turning into months turning into hopelessness and finally out of nowhere and after tests and dr visits how suddenly I/we had everything we wanted. My heart just aches at every story I hear about someone struggling to get pregnant. I want to hug them and tell them that I understand. I want to tell them that I have loved my children since I was 5 or 6 years old cutting out which stroller and car seat I would use for them from the Sunday ads. My heart understands. This song sings to my heart. It centers me and recharges me to click more pictures, record more memories and say a prayer for all those babies that are waiting to be born to the parents who have dreamed of them for such a long time.
I am thinking about sweet Elly Michelle and how she was born at 25 weeks only to live for a few short hours. I remember the excitement in her mama's posts and the first time parent questions she asked of me. I have this picture stuck in my head of Jesus holding her tiny baby self and smiling at how perfect she is. I have no words for her mama but I want her to know that I think of Elly nearly everyday and that she made an impact on me. I will remember her name.
It is a reminder that we are not in this alone and we can lean on more than our spouses when we need a break. It's in taking in a movie with a dear friend to just sit there and get totally lost in it, relaxing in the quietness and calm we rarely get. It's in pedi's no one will see, dinner and margaritas that have us laughing over the craziness that is our kids. How we went from wishing, praying, hoping, to frazzled, aged and needing a mommy's day out.
It's waking up this beautiful Sunday morning and feeling so recharged, so refreshed that I am completely antsy for my daughter to wake up so I kiss her baby cheeks. It's laughing with my 3.5 year old over his goofiness and the things he says. We can just look at each other and be found in fits of laughter. It's hugging my husband goodbye again this morning after hardly seeing him for days and reminding each other that it won't be like this for long.
He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Layin’ there in bed listenin’
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK
It won’t be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughin’
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
‘Cause it won't be like this for long
Four years later ‘bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This’ll only last a week or two
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long
Some day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she's up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on
‘Cause it won’t be like this for long
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