Pinch me, please

I had one of those moments last weekend where I must have looked a fool to everyone else but I just couldn't help it. 

Riley started swimming lessons, the real ones where the parents sit on the sidelines while the kids plunge in to 'soak' and learn.  I looked around and saw various parents filling in the benches and starting to read books or play on their super cool smartphones and I looked down and saw our bag full of towels, a change of clothes, my super un-cool texting phone, my book and my camera.  I just couldn't bring myself to sit down and read.  I just couldn't bring myself to take my eyes off of my Riley. 

I was the parent who stood the whole time, absorbing the moments. I mean really, do you see the brown eyed, brown haired, can't-stop-smiling, I swear was just a baby over there!?  I wanted to explain that it was our first swimming lessons and that he's my first baby but I don't think anyone even noticed that I was standing at the edge of the pool. I was far enough away that Riley didn't have to wave at me every 2 minutes but close enough to again admire his long lashes that looked even more brilliant wet, close enough to hear him squeal as his hand shot up in the air signaling his readiness to try the next skill, close enough to get tears in my eyes not because of the chlorination filling the area but because this is what I always imagined when I dreamed of motherhood. 

I wanted to call D and tell him that not only did Riley get in with zero trepidation (D was thinking Riley would hesistate and probably not get in at all) but that it was mesmerizing to watch and that I could hardly contain my pride but I seriously couldn't pull myself away not even for a quick phone call. 

This was the part of parenting that I wasn't overly familiar with.  The parenting where they let go of your hand and walk forward without you and you just hope that no one hurts them, that they don't get scared and that they remember their manners and that their Mommy is waiting for them.  It was absolutely surreal.  I can do the baby/toddler stage with my eyes closed.  (Not to say it's easy or a piece of cake for me but many years of constant babysitting and now having 2 kids I understand it, they have a need-you meet it)  This was a new feeling, one you can't really prepare for.   After parenting him for 3.5 years and realizing that (just about) everything goes through Mommy beforehand this was the first time where for 30 minutes he didn't need me.  He didn't need me to splash with him or show him how to float.  He didn't need me to fuss over water getting in his eyes.  He didn't need me for support or strength.  He was just a little boy filled up to the brim with excitement, looking all grown up and listening intently to instructions.  I don't get to watch him at preschool.  There's not a two-sided mirror to stare through and see how your child interacts with others when you're not around (although that would be AWESOME!) and my experiences just this last Feb-May with him at 2's with parents school didn't give me a good look at him since he had me the whole time and rarely wanted to me to not always be right there with him playing or creating whatever was on the schedule that day.  This was my first real experience with myself and my Riley in our new roles as supporter and quite literally swimmer. 

This is what I always imagined when I was younger.  My children diving head first into life and taking with them the lessons and confidence we have instilled in them.  Taking on new challenges without hesitation and with enthusiasm.  It was amazing.  Big kid, happy meal afterwards kind of amazing. 

And just think...this is only the beginning!

No fear here!

Riley's first time singing in front of church...he isn't much of a singer!  

Our halloween cowboy...is it wrong that I want to pencil that stache in everyday?